Really jokes

So your wife has died, and now she is marginally better in bed than before.

If you really want to get her to wiggle, simply add maggots.

Damn, the terrorists from CS:GO really do be learning to fly.

What do you call a man in love with an emo?

I really don't know.

Teacher: "If you're dumb, stand up."

Nobody stands up.

After some waiting, the teacher says, "Really? No one? There must be someone."

Little Johnny stands up.

"Oh, so you think you're dumb, Johnny?"

"Nah, I just feel bad that you're standing alone."

My wife said to me, "You really have no sense of direction, do you?"

I said, "Where the fuck did that come from?!"

I can never get away from my dog, he follows me everywhere. I think you two would be really good friends.

Why do orphans like Spider-Man?

'Cause they really enjoy Far From Home and No Way Home. Damn, was he mad about Spider-Man Homecoming!

Can you really wheel my real wheelchair?

Try saying that over and over fast. Bit of a tongue twister.

Dad: I'll pay you 10 bucks for every day you don't tell a lie.

Next day:

Dad: Son, what's the ugliest thing you've ever seen?

Son: That ugly face of yours, go get a life, gosh, Dad, you're embarrassing.

The dad sulked for 3 whole years.

Proof that words really can hurt.

I hope you see this plugin, but if you're listening to this, I really want to give you a little more...

So, I remember growing my own peanuts really well. There's one that's larger than the others. I can't keep my eye off of it.

I'm scared that it moves at night.

I'm being serious. I literally can't keep my eye off it.

Steve Kerr really named his son Nick.

My wife is so fat! She wears high heels, she strikes oil.

When she sits around the house, she really sits *around* the house. Every time she turns around, it's her birthday.

Time really freezes when you're stuck on a sinking ship.

I'll really mist ya.

My sister is really disrespectful, and her famous words are, "You're not my parent!" The next time she says this, I'm going to respond back with, "You're right, because I would have worn a condom to protect from you being born unlike my dad did!"

Freshfry, are you there? I really want to talk to you!

Love, Gwen.

Okay, is this the new thing, saying "Gwen" in your "joke," then people will comment and you can make more friends? If so, then I really need to be saying "Gwen" more in my "jokes or chats."

Some weird kid came into school today with his tagging gun. He tagged my friend really good. At the end, he tagged 12 students and 1 teacher. VICTORY ROAYAL ✌

Q: My dad woke up one morning about to go to work, but he was still really tired, so he decided the quickest way to wake him up was to slap him in the face.

So he asked me to do it, but I guess I don't know my own strength, and so he went back to sleep again...