Really jokes

School teacher: "Hey kid, why don't you just go home to your family?"

Orphan: "My family never came back for me."

School teacher: "Your daddy must've really needed that milk."

I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent. So I said, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?" One of them snarled at me, "It's Wales, Dumbo!" So I corrected myself, "My apologies, so are you two whales from Ireland?"

So, I am an emo dude, so I sit in the back of the class, and I talk to no one.

But one day this dude came up to me and tried to talk to me, so I just ignored him. Then he got really pissed off and said, "I'm gonna kill you." I was like, "You're gonna kill me just because I ignored you? Is your ego that big, wow?" He left. Then the next day he brought his goons with him and said, "Now you're dead." I ignored him again, and he said, "You will pay for this."

So the following day after school I was walking down the street back to my house. Then he and his goons tried to attack me, but then they died, so I kept on walking. I had some rope traps set.

This was the best day of my life.

This is why you never mess with emos. We have ropes everywhere.

What can happen if you bring a hooker into a stranger's house? He will ask you, "Really, are you nuts?"

Have you ever seen the clown in Walmart that hides from gay people?

No..... Really?

Hahaha

Grasshole.

There are 206 bones in the human body, but I’d really like to have 207.

Roses are red, violets are blue, it's really no wonder your mama left you!

Once there was a man. A man who had a butt.

Once he was at this job interview and he was going to get the job, but just before the boss was going to hire him, he farted. It was a really bad one. It was 47 minutes long and so loud the windows rattled. When it was over, the man screamed and jumped out the window.

He didn't get the job.

I met a girl that was 6'5" and she fell on 9/11 and broke her arm. She really said "oh snap" like a twin tower.

Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex. They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch and think that their wife should be really happy.

Daddy, I really miss you. Mummy changed my name to Tickle Timpson. Anyway, daddy I forgive you for abusing me.

"Hey, hey, Spongebob! Water you doing?" [laughs]

"Just looking for all my coins with my metal detector because beach better have my money!" [laughs]

"How much have you found so far?"

"Y'know what, I'm not really shore!" [laughs]

Yo mama is so fat that a whole forest grew on her, but it was sad because she really smells, so the forest died.

I called a Suicide Helpline, but they didn't help me commit suicide.

Tbh they really left me hanging there.

Do you like CDs?

There's this really cool one called "C Deez Nuts."

Why did Stephen Hawking not believe in God?

Computers don’t really have a specific religion.

What is the most annoying thing your parents say to you, and what is the dumbest thing someone can say that annoys you?

The most annoying thing your parents can say: "Finish your dinner, there are starving kids in Africa!" No, you can't have any dessert until you finish your dinner. (See how annoying that is!)

The dumbest thing someone can say that annoys you: "Why is your name Crayla? Why is your last name Goldburg? Is it like a gold bird!" (That is really annoying if you ask me!)

Thanks for reading this...bye!

"A dyslexic atheist lies awake at night wondering if there really is a Dog."

Man, this walk is really good. Oh wait, you can't.

A girl was going through some really bad health issues at her house. It got so bad that she had to be rushed to the hospital.

Her husband found out about this after work and went to check on her. When he got there, the desk lady immediately pointed down the hall to a doctor. The guy walked up to the doctor, "Are you the one taking care of my wife?" The doctor glanced away from his papers, "Yes, that would be me, but I am afraid that she is in very bad condition. I have bad news and good news. The bad news is that she will have to be wheeled around in a wheelchair. Also, she can't eat normally. Taking care of her will become very hard. Basically, it will be like taking care of a big baby." Shocked, the guy says, "Wait, if that's the bad news, than what is the good news?" The doctor goes, "I'm just kidding with you, she died!"