Really jokes

Are you a gravestone?

Because I really wish you were on top of me right now!

Man, this walk is really good. Oh wait, you can't.

I don't know what makes BlessedBrian so STUPID, but it REALLY works!

The sad thing is when they ride the scooters in Wal-Mart... Really, you declining to walk is what got your fat ass in that scooter to begin with... And damned if they aren't buying diet soda... Please... cull this shit... We don't need them in society... KFC is not a disease.

"Tibia" honestly, I think the reason I’m "bonely" is because you guys don’t find my jokes "humerus."

Maybe if I played the trombone it would get people’s attention, but "tibia" honest I can’t be bothered, so just look at my "BONE-zai" tree, although my brother doesn’t really like that one, so how about a "S-pine" tree?

My teacher made us watch a movie about the struggles of being an overweight person in this day and age.

It was really heavy on me.

My wife is so fat! She wears high heels, she strikes oil.

When she sits around the house, she really sits *around* the house. Every time she turns around, it's her birthday.

Steve Kerr really named his son Nick.

Time really freezes when you're stuck on a sinking ship.

My wife said to me, "You really have no sense of direction, do you?"

I said, "Where the fuck did that come from?!"

I can never get away from my dog, he follows me everywhere. I think you two would be really good friends.

Dad: I'll pay you 10 bucks for every day you don't tell a lie.

Next day:

Dad: Son, what's the ugliest thing you've ever seen?

Son: That ugly face of yours, go get a life, gosh, Dad, you're embarrassing.

The dad sulked for 3 whole years.

Proof that words really can hurt.

So, I remember growing my own peanuts really well. There's one that's larger than the others. I can't keep my eye off of it.

I'm scared that it moves at night.

I'm being serious. I literally can't keep my eye off it.

Can you really wheel my real wheelchair?

Try saying that over and over fast. Bit of a tongue twister.

What do you call a man in love with an emo?

I really don't know.

Teacher: "If you're dumb, stand up."

Nobody stands up.

After some waiting, the teacher says, "Really? No one? There must be someone."

Little Johnny stands up.

"Oh, so you think you're dumb, Johnny?"

"Nah, I just feel bad that you're standing alone."

Damn, the terrorists from CS:GO really do be learning to fly.

So your wife has died, and now she is marginally better in bed than before.

If you really want to get her to wiggle, simply add maggots.

Why do orphans like Spider-Man?

'Cause they really enjoy Far From Home and No Way Home. Damn, was he mad about Spider-Man Homecoming!

I'll really mist ya.