Honestly

Honestly jokes

Dad

    • Dad: I'll pay you 10 bucks for every day you don't tell a lie.

    Next day:

    Dad: Son, what's the ugliest thing you've ever seen?

    Son: That ugly face of yours, go get a life, gosh, Dad, you're embarrassing.

    The dad sulked for 3 whole years.

    Proof that words really can hurt.

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    • Bone

    • "Tibia" honestly, I think the reason I’m "bonely" is because you guys don’t find my jokes "humerus."

    Maybe if I played the trombone it would get people’s attention, but "tibia" honest I can’t be bothered, so just look at my "BONE-zai" tree, although my brother doesn’t really like that one, so how about a "S-pine" tree?

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    • Husband

    • So, a husband and a wife have three kids. The husband is on his death bed, and he looks up at his wife and says, "Honey, is our youngest son truly and honestly mine?" She says in response, "I swear on everything that is good and holy, our youngest son is yours." He dies peacefully.

    Then she says under her breath, "I'm glad he didn't ask about the first two."

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    • Hacker

    • My local hacker contacted me and told me that he hacked my computer.

    I responded, “Show me proof.” He provided the username and password for my email account, bank account, video game accounts, and social media accounts. To be honest, that is the fastest “Forgot Password” procedure I’ve ever done.

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    • Honestly memes

    Opinion

    • Hey, you person who's scrolling, please leave your HONEST opinion on life. Do you think "life sucks" or "eh, it's okay," etc.? It can be short; if you don't want to, then that's okay.

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    • Body

    • If you unironically think someone who killed themselves should have their body in jail, you are honestly such a fucking embarrassment to humanity.

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    • Wish

    • Farrah Fawcett, upon arriving at the pearly gates, God asked her, for having led such an honest life, to grant her one wish. Farrah simply requested that the children of the world would be safe.

    Five hours later, Michael Jackson died.

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    • Survey

    • A UN survey asked the following: Please, in your honest opinion, could you give your thoughts on the food shortages in the rest of the world?

    It was a failure because:

    South Americans don’t know the word “please.”

    Eastern Europeans don’t know the word “honest.”

    Middle Easterns don’t know the word “opinion.”

    Balkans don’t know the word “give.”

    Chinese don’t know the word “thoughts.”

    Africans don’t know the word “food.”

    Western Europeans don’t know the word “shortage.”

    Americans don’t know the words “the rest of the world.”

    Then they simply explained “just donate healthy food to the global south to help.” But that still didn’t sit right with everyone, because Israelis do not know the word “donate,” and Pacific Islanders do not know the words “healthy food.”

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    • Money

    • This is true. Today I was at the mall and there was a guy holding a sign that said, "Need money for strippers and weed."

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    • Skeleton

    • - What did the skeleton say to his friend?

    - Actually... TIBIA honest, I don't know how to complete this joke...

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    • Racist

    • I am a racist, and I put my milk before cereal. Well, to be honest, that was when I had milk, but one day my dad says he was going to get some... then he left.

    Now when I see a black guy, I yell, "Thanks for picking the cotton to make my shirt!"

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    • Post

    • Not a joke, but this needs saying. Please can someone do something about all the pedo posts on here. It’s honestly just nasty.

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    • Lie clock

    • A man dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he sees an angel standing in the center of a room, surrounded by clocks. The man goes over to the angel and says, "What are these clocks for?" The angel looks at him. "These are lie clocks," the angel says, "every time someone lies, it ticks once. Mother Teresa never lied, so hers is at noon, and Honest Abe only lied twice." The man asks, "Where is Bill Clinton's clock?" The angel smiles, then points up at the fan.

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    • Prank

    • Hey guys, today's funniest prank: is when I poured a bunch of red wine into the chicken salad...to be honest, it was a TON of wine I poured in there! My family could not tell the difference at all! Anyway, bye, that's the prankster! Next time or see you next time!

    Wife

    • To be brutally honest, I think his wife let him die for money, because they could just plug him back in. Surely they have an Android cable about?

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