After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for 10 years. But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it!
I was 11 or 12 at the time.
Guy (passing me): How are you doing? Me, an autist: Pretty bad honestly. Guy (continued walking past me) Me: ...
If you didn’t know, “what’s up” and “how are you doing” are phatic expressions in the United States, meaning that they’re said as greetings even though they literally mean something else.
What is the world's greatest invention? The ball gag, do you know why? Honestly officer I never heard her say no.
I don't see why people these days choose their gender, there's only two it's nerf or nothing. (im just joking i honestly dont care)
I was gonna make a joke about mexicans but honestly it crosses the line.
*At A Funeral For Someone Who Jumped Off A Building* Victims Mom: "I wonder what was the last thing that went through his head..." Me: "Honestly...Probably his ass."
I’ve been munching away on these new tic tacs recently and honestly, they are really good. It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty tho, so it’s time to get some more!
When the teacher gives me a F on my exam
But I have a AK-47 in my backpack
*is honestly the best policy*
Not a joke, but this needs saying. Please can someone do something about all the pedo posts on here. It’s honestly just nasty
They told me Avengers: Endgame was going to be 3 hours long, but honestly? I felt like it was over in a SNAP....
So a husband and a wife have three kids. the husband is on his death bed and he looks up at his wife and says. "Honey, is our youngest song truly and honestly mine?" She says in response. "I sware on everything that is good and holy our youngest son is your" He dies peacefully.
Then she says under her breathe, "I'm glad he didn't ask about the first two."
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a bucket of water. WHERE DO THEY REALLY GO BECAUSE WATER CAN NOT BE AT THE TOP OF A HILL!? I honestly think that only people with a physics degree can make nursery rhythms
*Tibia* honestly I think the reason I’m *bonely* is because you guys don’t find my jokes *humerus* ...... maybe if I played the *trombone* it would get people’s attention but *tibia* honest I can’t be bothered so one just look at my *BONE-zai* tree, although my brother doesn’t really like that one so how about a *S-pine* tree
Why doesn’t Dracula have any friends? Well, honestly, he’s a real pain in the neck.
My question is how fat people fit in tuxedoes, honestly don’t wear those wear ur regular clothes, ur belly is just gonna pop out