*At A Funeral For Someone Who Jumped Off A Building* Victims Mom: "I wonder what was the last thing that went through his head..." Me: "Honestly...Probably his ass."
After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for 10 years. But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it!
Did you know Princess Diana was on the radio the night she died?
To be honest, she was on the whole dashboard too.
i hear skeletons like to play the saxaBONE, though i think the tromBONE would be better, but tibia honest, both can be HUMERUS, wouldnt wanna hurt your funny bone, but i think your starting to get BONELY so ill stop pulling your leg. Now get out before i give you a bad time.
My question is how fat people fit in tuxedoes, honestly don’t wear those wear ur regular clothes, ur belly is just gonna pop out
My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers. To be honest, I should have seen the signs.
What is the world's greatest invention? The ball gag, do you know why? Honestly officer I never heard her say no.
A husband and a wife have four children the oldest three are tall with blonde hair, the youngest is short with brown hair. The husband was on his deathbed and said “honey, can you be completely honest with me, is our youngest son mine?” The wife says “I swear to all that is holy he is your son.” Then the husband died and the wife muttered, “thank god he didn’t ask about the other three.”
I don't see why people these days choose their gender, there's only two it's nerf or nothing. (im just joking i honestly dont care)
honestly ukraine is just built to annoy russia
My last relationship ended because my ex girlfriend accused me of being a rapist. I'm not upset, to be honest I didn't like her anyway, she kept telling me I never listen, or something like that
I was gonna make a joke about mexicans but honestly it crosses the line.
Top 10 Cos:
1. Disco 2. Flamenco 3. Fresco 4. Fiasco 5. Monaco 6. Tobacco 7. Bronco 8. Morocco 9. UNESCO 10. Taco
Pexico? Not top 1000 in my honest book
hey you person who's scrolling, pls leave your HONEST opinion on life. Do you think "life sucks" or "eh its okay." etc it can be short if you dont want to then that's okay.
When the teacher gives me a F on my exam
But I have a AK-47 in my backpack
*is honestly the best policy*
- What did the skeleton say to his friend? - Actually... TIBIA honest i don't know how to complete this joke...
Hey guys todays funnyiest prank: Is when I poored a bunch of red whine into the chicken salad...to be honest and was a TON of whine I purded in there! My family could not tell the dirfense at all! Anyway bye thats the prankster! Next time or see time next!
I was 11 or 12 at the time.
Guy (passing me): How are you doing? Me, an autist: Pretty bad honestly. Guy (continued walking past me) Me: ...
If you didn’t know, “what’s up” and “how are you doing” are phatic expressions in the United States, meaning that they’re said as greetings even though they literally mean something else.
As an honest Penaldo fan I have to admit he is a penalty merchant. He can only score against farmer teams like Spezia. He never shows up against great teams like Barcelona. I've come to realize my hero Penaldo will never be better than Messi. My idol Penaldo is sadly finished.
I got a new job at a trampoline park the other day. If I’m being honest it’s got its ups and downs
