Honestly Jokes

After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for 10 years.

But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it!

I was 11 or 12 at the time.

Guy (passing me): "How are you doing?" Me, an autist: "Pretty bad honestly." Guy (continued walking past me) Me: ...

If you didn’t know, “what’s up” and “how are you doing” are phatic expressions in the United States, meaning that they’re said as greetings even though they literally mean something else.

What is the world's greatest invention? The ball gag, do you know why? Honestly, officer, I never heard her say no.

I don't see why people these days choose their gender, there's only two it's nerf or nothing. (im just joking i honestly dont care)

honestly ukraine is just built to annoy russia

The image shows a meme with text and an image of a man's face floating in a blue cloudy sky. The text reads 'Me: honestly, it's not like things can really get any worse, so there's that. Life:'. The face is looking with a comical expression.

I was gonna make a joke about mexicans but honestly it crosses the line.

*At A Funeral For Someone Who Jumped Off A Building* Victims Mom: "I wonder what was the last thing that went through his head..." Me: "Honestly...Probably his ass."

I’ve been munching away on these new tic tacs recently and honestly, they are really good. It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty tho, so it’s time to get some more!

When the teacher gives me a F on my exam

But I have a AK-47 in my backpack

*is honestly the best policy*

Not a joke, but this needs saying. Please can someone do something about all the pedo posts on here. It’s honestly just nasty

They told me Avengers: Endgame was going to be 3 hours long, but honestly? I felt like it was over in a SNAP....

So a husband and a wife have three kids. the husband is on his death bed and he looks up at his wife and says. "Honey, is our youngest song truly and honestly mine?" She says in response. "I sware on everything that is good and holy our youngest son is your" He dies peacefully.

Then she says under her breathe, "I'm glad he didn't ask about the first two."

If you unironically think Someone who killed themselves should have their body in jail you are honestly such a Fucking embaresment to humanity

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a bucket of water. WHERE DO THEY REALLY GO BECAUSE WATER CAN NOT BE AT THE TOP OF A HILL!? I honestly think that only people with a physics degree can make nursery rhythms

*Tibia* honestly I think the reason I’m *bonely* is because you guys don’t find my jokes *humerus* ...... maybe if I played the *trombone* it would get people’s attention but *tibia* honest I can’t be bothered so one just look at my *BONE-zai* tree, although my brother doesn’t really like that one so how about a *S-pine* tree

Whenever I’m bored, I hit up my local orphanage and beat some of them up. I mean honestly, what are they going to do tell there parents? 😂😂

What do u call a guy in a wheelchair playing soccer

Rocket league! (Ali A Intro) I like men Wanna smash? Suck my balls Im in class as I'm posting this ass joke This joke sucks terribly Honestly just like and leave Add me on discord IceyTrae#2230 Lebron>MJ

Why doesn’t Dracula have any friends? Well, honestly, he’s a real pain in the neck.

I feel bad for cumming on my turtle.

Why the fuck would I do that? I should have never masturbated in front of my turtle. So basically I was watching porn on my 55 inch tv and my turtle was next to me on the couch. The porno was really old. It was a DVD from 2002. It was probably the hottest porn I have ever watched and honestly I'm probably going to watch porn on dvd instead of from the internet. The only reason I had my turtle with me was because whenever I cum, I feel really depressed and lonely, so I thought that if my turtle watched with me I wouldn't feel lonely. Well, I started stroking my willie, I used lotion, I took all my clothes off, but my dumbass forgot the tissues. I realized that I forgot to grab tissues but it was too late. I was going to cum. I didn't want to cum everywhere so I had to think fast. It was when I saw my turtle when I realized what I had to do. I came like a motherfucker. My turtle was painted with my cum in his tiny little face and all around his shell. He didn't say a word about it, he didn't move, he just stood there looking at me like I killed a bunch of children. I would never forget the look my turtle gave me. His disappointing face broke my heart. I put on my clothes, I took my turtle to the bathroom and cleaned him off. What happened, happened. But my turtle would never forget what happened. My turtle, Tommy, would never forgive me. Today, I passed by him and I know he still remembers what I did to him 3 hours ago. My only wish is that one day, Tommy the turtle will forgive me for my horrible sins.