Really jokes

You know what really gets me under my skin when I'm down? Sharpener blades.

My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like.

I showed my girlfriend my shotgun yesterday. It really blew her away.

A blind woman tells her boyfriend that she’s seeing someone.

It’s either really terrible news or really great news.

Do you know a way to really freak out someone that works at a car dealership?

You say, "Tell me if you can hear me," then get in the trunk and start screaming.

I have an EpiPen.

My friend gave it to me when he was dying.

It seemed really important to him that I have it.

Have you ever tried eating a clock? It's really time-consuming, especially if you go for seconds.

I was out for dinner with my 19 year old girlfriend. I, being 42, had many people shouting at me, scolding me, calling me a creep. It really ruined our 10th anniversary.

I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. -- I'm not really a mourning person.

I had a friend who was a deep sleeper. One day, a fire started in his house. Now he's a really deep sleeper.

Did you know that when pigeons have sex, they die?

Really?

Well, the one I fucked did.

I went on a walk last night with a really hot girl. Then she noticed me, and we went for a run.

You know, people should really stop making fun of 911....both my parents died.

One driving one plane, and the other driving the other.

Stephen Hawking isn't really dead, he's just rebooting.

I was talking to this absolutely gorgeous woman, and I asked her, “What do you do?” And she said, “I’m a brain surgeon.” And I don’t know if this makes me sexist or not, but I was really impressed.

Most women can’t pull off sarcasm.

An atom loses an electron... It says, "Man, I really gotta keep an ion them."

A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, “Hey mister, it’s getting really dark and I’m scared.” The man replies, “How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.”

I told my sister I was into incest. She took it really hard. 😉😏

I was sitting next to this really hot Thai girl on the bus, and all I could think to myself was, "Don't get an erection, don't get an erection..." But she did.

I really hate waiting to die... It's taking a lifetime.