Really jokes

Women are like rolls of toilet paper. They are either really cheap or expensive, you use them a lot, and they deal with a lot of sh*t.

When I was very young...

My classmates played a game called kiss chase. Some were really good at catching the girls and then kissing them.

They are rapists now.

Man: Did you know pidgins die after having sex?

Woman: No, really?

Man: Well, the one I fucked did...

A pedo is driving down a highway really slowly and gets stopped by the police. The officer asks why he was driving so slowly. The man answers, "I don't wake up the kids."

Me and Jesus are really close; he even turns the light on for me when I go pee in the middle of the night. Well, that is what I thought until the fridge was wet.

I sexually identify as kilometers per second.

Cuz I really wanna km/s (kill myself).

Have you ever tried anal bleaching?

It really helps assholes lighten up.

Republicans really want weed not to be legal, fucking cunts!

You guys know the notes A Minor and D? I really like putting D in A Minor!

Roses are red, Violets are blue, You are so ugly, Do not tell me that is really you.

I really want to beat the living daylights out of you, but it's not worth getting the wooden spoon for garbage.

My math teacher walked by and asked me, "What is that?"

I said, "Paper."

She said, "Really?"

I said, "Yeah, do you need glasses?"

Daddy, I really miss you. Mummy changed my name to Tickle Timpson. Anyway, daddy I forgive you for abusing me.

The past, present, and future walk into a bar.

It gets really tense.

Friend: Why did you touch me?

Me: That guy in the corner with no hair, glasses, really nice, white button up shirt, that drives a white van slow by school zones told me to and he would give me hard candy.

When your uncle drops a nickel, but the only thing he really drops is his pants.

I saw an orphan and I said, "Yo."

He said, "What do you want?"

I said, "To be your new father."

"Really??!" the orphan said.

Me: Lol, no.

Orphan *Jumps into street*

Huh, I'm really pissed off. No matter how many jokes I make, no one likes them. 😭😭:'(:':😔😔😿💔💔👇👇:(

I know people don’t really like cat puns, but mine are PURRety good.

Did you CATch that one? No? Because you are in a bad mood? You should WISKER those feelings away. We should PAWnder ways to fix your mood. Just remember to keep CLAWing at the problem. I am glad I can help MEW.

Anyone got any good Floyd jokes? I really need them to take my breath away.