Really

Really jokes

Garbage

I really want to beat the living daylights out of you, but it's not worth getting the wooden spoon for garbage.

Teacher

My math teacher walked by and asked me, "What is that?"

I said, "Paper."

She said, "Really?"

I said, "Yeah, do you need glasses?"

Kilometer

I sexually identify as kilometers per second.

Cuz I really wanna km/s (kill myself).

Guy

Friend: Why did you touch me?

Me: That guy in the corner with no hair, glasses, really nice, white button up shirt, that drives a white van slow by school zones told me to and he would give me hard candy.

Memes

Uncle

When your uncle drops a nickel, but the only thing he really drops is his pants.

Entertainment

Huh, I'm really pissed off. No matter how many jokes I make, no one likes them. ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ:'(:':๐Ÿ˜”๐Ÿ˜”๐Ÿ˜ฟ๐Ÿ’”๐Ÿ’”๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿ‘‡:(

Orphan

I saw an orphan and I said, "Yo."

He said, "What do you want?"

I said, "To be your new father."

"Really??!" the orphan said.

Me: Lol, no.

Orphan *Jumps into street*

People

I know people donโ€™t really like cat puns, but mine are PURRety good.

Did you CATch that one? No? Because you are in a bad mood? You should WISKER those feelings away. We should PAWnder ways to fix your mood. Just remember to keep CLAWing at the problem. I am glad I can help MEW.

Breath

Anyone got any good Floyd jokes? I really need them to take my breath away.

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  • Message

    One day I was on my phone, then I got a text message from my girlfriend, "Hey, sexy boy, wanna hang out tonight if you know what I mean...?" Then I just stopped and froze. I read the message. I said, "Yeah, sure..." She replied really fast, "There's going to be a few people there, ok." But I didn't read the next message... She said, "Come right at 12:00 AM." But I didn't read it. I walked into her house, but I heard a strange noise like a moaning noise, and it sounded like HER!! So I hid behind the couch, and I looked through the open door and saw something I didn't want to see... Like for part 2 and comment if you want me to make another!!

    Door

    Instead of walking through the door, the owner of the house broke in through the window.

    When he came out, a man standing on the sidewalk walked up to him and asked why he hadn't just walked through the door. The owner responded, "I'm pollo vegetarian, and I really just wanted a bit of food."

    When the man looked confused, the owner said, "Windows are nature's vending machine."

    Dad

    Me: *watching TV*

    Mom: Omg, no way, your dad is coming!

    Me: Really?

    Mom: Obviously not, he never loved or wanted you.

    Plane

    I don't really understand 9/11 jokes, but they eventually hit me like a plane.

    Nickname

    Is there a really annoying girl at your school and she's so fake? Well, say this:

    Me: Hey, I have a nickname for you.

    Her: Really? What?

    Me: Sweet-in-low.

    Her: Why?

    Me: Because you're artificial.

    Life

    This is not really a joke, but it's a question.

    If life is a movie, then is death life? Is we seeing the trailer right now?

    Funeral

    My friend is upset with me because I sniffed his grandmother's nickers. Not sure if it was because she was still wearing them or if it was because the whole family was watching. Either way, the rest of her funeral was really awkward.