Really jokes

I saw an orphan and I said, "Yo."

He said, "What do you want?"

I said, "To be your new father."

"Really??!" the orphan said.

Me: Lol, no.

Orphan *Jumps into street*

Huh, I'm really pissed off. No matter how many jokes I make, no one likes them. 😭😭:'(:':😔😔😿💔💔👇👇:(

Anyone got any good Floyd jokes? I really need them to take my breath away.

Instead of walking through the door, the owner of the house broke in through the window.

When he came out, a man standing on the sidewalk walked up to him and asked why he hadn't just walked through the door. The owner responded, "I'm pollo vegetarian, and I really just wanted a bit of food."

When the man looked confused, the owner said, "Windows are nature's vending machine."

My best friend is black. It really pissed me off when my mom sold him.

I don’t know why I go to the gym. Being healthy is dying as fast as possible, and I really want to speed that shit up.

Katy Perry can't sing, can't dance, doesn't write music, is unbelievably ugly, and is unable to decipher maths or science. Really though, I didn't realize going down on a record executive would later lead her to be one of the people able to go to space.

What word starts with n and ends with r and you wouldn’t wanna call a Black person?

You really thought n****r, didn't you?

What’s something you can say at the funeral but also in bed?

"Damn, that's really stiff!"

What do alcoholics and gas prices have in common?

They both get really high.

I’m really good at algebra. I can replace your X without even asking Y.

I like your cut, G.

*Slaps really hard*

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

A doctor walks into the room and tells his patient, "I have some bad news for you. You really have to stop masturbating."

The man looks aghast and says, "Oh my God, doc, why?!"

The doctor replies, "I'm trying to examine you."

Marriage is really educational.

When I was single, I didn't even know there was a wrong way to put a fork in the dishwasher.

For some reason, quarks sound really strange to me.

Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.

Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.

I saw two really tall guys. I walked up and said, "I didn't know we still have the Twin Towers!"

I love sucking on food because if you really think about it, tits can be counted as food, so I could technically suck on a woman's tits.

How much wood can a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? If you woodchuck on the world with that, you have a really deep in, and he says goodbye. When he says goodbye, you're like, "if you."

Wife: “I want another baby.”

Husband: “That’s a relief, I also really don’t like this one!”