Most people are scared of clowns. That's why everyone runs away from you.
Do you know what you first feel when you shoot someone?
The recoil.
Your mom is so fat that when she fell on the sidewalk, nobody laughed, but the sidewalk cracked up.
Go up to someone and say "im sorry for your loss" and see what they do
You never think of how people will react to an event, my friend gets discounts at any store he goes to.
When you suffer from depression and somebody tells you to just cheer up-- Me: My goodness, what an idea! Why didn't I think of this before?
You tell an orphan joke to an orphan. You start laughing, they start crying. They say they are going to tell their mom. Then you start laughing harder.
What do teen mothers and their unborn babies have in common?
They're both thinking "Oh my God, my mom's gonna kill me!"
bully : oh look at your shoes, look at your pants, look at your shirt ay ay ay
Me : ding, ding, sing oh did you hear that its the elevator cause your not on my level .......
bully : u_u .......
crwd : Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh
Ahem... if somebody you don't like, or somebody random just calls you in general,
answer the phone with this:
"Hello, thank you for choosing Mama's Pizzeria/Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce, how may I help you?"
or
"Hello, this is David's Orphanage, you make them, we take them, how may I help you?"
Some people's reactions are priceless, and then they wonder about your mental health.
What is the fastest thing in the world?
James Charles when he sees little boys.
i know why nobody like my comment because they got no sense of humor, thats why they dislike it now i know depression is a joke, a joke that never gets laugh =[ WHYYYY NO ONE LAUGH AT MY JOKES
Brother: I bought my brother a trampoline today, the ungrateful fuck just sat in his wheelchair and cried.
,':/ wait wtf that post below me was gay
When I was 14, my mum caught me wanking, and she slapped me across the face. A couple weeks later, my dad caught me having a beer, and he made me drink 40 beers. I just thought, "Well, I'm glad he didn't catch me wanking."
I heard that my crush got kicked in the balls and when I thought of it...
If you punch an orphan what are they going to do tell their parents?
me, smashes mouse after losing a match, everybody at the pet race: :O
I was watching my daughter at a park. She was playing with a few people. Another parent came up to me and said, "Which one is yours?" Just for fun, I said, "I am still choosing." She looked horrified.
Last night I was watching a Scotland Christmas movie... And the part when Mary tells Joseph that she is pregnant, Joseph was surprised and he exclaimed, "Jesus Christ!!!". I immediately stopped watching changed the channel
