I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down!
Put Jokes
Charizarding.
When you light a girl's pubes on fire, put it out with your jizz, then flap your arms and say, "You don't have enough badges to train me!"
I don't ever really bother women, but when I do, I usually just want to talk. I guess since I just so happened to be a straight male that's not a 10 or a 5, I get shutdown so fast. I put out lit candles...like damn, I thought I hid my ring.
After a long labor, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, “Ma’am, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. What would you like?” After quickly thinking it over, she responds, “I’ll have the bad news first, doctor.”
The doctor replies, “Well, I’m not sure how to put this, and I’m sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair.”
Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother’s face. “Doctor, if that’s the bad news, what’s the good news?” The doctor replies, “He’s dead.”
One day my sister was making hotdogs. My sister asked me if I wanted some. I said no. Then my sister asked my friend, and he always said no.
Then my sister said I have to eat it plain with no flavor. We have no ketchup, mustard, or onions. My friend said I got something to give it flavor. My sister said, "Okay."
My sister left the kitchen to get something. I asked my friend what are you going to do. Then he took the hotdog bread, opened it, and ran his penis all around it, and put some white cream that came out of his penis. I put the hotdogs on the bread. Then my sister came back and put hotdogs on the hotdog bread. I told my sister the hotdogs are ready. She ate them. I asked how were the hotdogs. My sister said, "I don’t know what flavor is this, but it is very tasty."
How to give a good hand job?
Bop it. Pull it. Twist it. Harder. Better. Faster. Stronger. You put your left hand in. You put your left hand out. You put your left hand in and shake it all about.
None of you ever touch my penis.
One day a Chief was talking to his son... "Son," the father said, "Long ago the Woman didn't have anybody to take her to BINGO. So, the Creator put the Woman to sleep and cut off her butt cheeks and made her a Man. That's why today Indian Women have no butt, and the Men are called Buttheads!"
Why did two dumb blondes put condoms on the cow's udders because they wanted the cow to practice safe sex?
Me running from the principal because I put ten woman's rights books in the fictional section!
Why did the Vampire put his son up for adoption?
He thought his son sucked!
Yo mama is so dumb, she put speed bumps on the race track.
Why do orphans live on the street?
They don't have parents to put a roof over their head.
This morning, I was in the kitchen, and I saw a whole bunch of leftover brownies made from scratch. I just tasted one and spit it out because somebody put some goddamn weed in them, what the fuck!
Do you put a baby in the microwave covered or uncovered?
Covered, it can take weeks to clean up the explosion.
I put my leg up in the air sometimes, singing ayo, I'm a flamingo...
What's the difference between a baby and a pizza?
One does not crow when you put it in an oven.
Because all I do is pound it, man. I would put you on my "600 Pound Life" if you didn't weigh 1,000.
A duck walks into a bar and buys everyone a round. He tells the bartender, “Put it on my bill.”
How do you make Alabama cookies?
Put them in a big bowl and beat for three hours.
I’m reading a book on antigravity right now.
It’s impossible to put down.
