Put jokes

Why do you put a baby into a blender feet first?

So you can see the look on its face...

If you put an amputee with no limbs in a snuggie, it becomes a stubbie.

How do you put "blonde" and "duh" in the same sentence? Just say, "Blondes are dumb."

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.

I can't put it down.

Your mama's so stupid, she put lipstick on her forehead to make up her mind.

Women are like marshmallows because they are white, squashy, and we put our sticks inside you.

What happens when you put a baby in a blender?

The baby is a cherry smoothie.

What do you get when you put an ape's brain in a gorilla? A feminist!

Yo momma's so stupid, she put two quarters in her ears and thought she was listening to 50 Cent.

You're so skinny that if I were to put you on a flagpole, you would wave in the wind.

I put on my hazmat suit, and grabbed my equipment, and said, "My time to shine!"

How to surprise a blind man: put a plunger in the toilet!

Yo mama so fat they faked COVID-19 just to put a mask on her.

The two brothers were sitting next to each other. They played with planes all day long. They got too violent, and now their sister (World Trade Center) stands there. The brothers were put up for adoption, and the planes were given back to their owners.

I really wasn't planning on going for a run today, but damn, those cops came out of nowhere!

Your mama so fat, when she put a leg in the car, the wheels deflated.

I dropped my phone the other day when a guy picked up my phone and started to put it in his pocket.

I said, "Hey, that's my phone," and he said, "First of all, my name isn't 'Hey', it's Jay. Second of all, it's an iPhone, not a 'myPhone'. Get it right."

I might slide up to your block with intelligence. I'm a genius with a glock. There's some relevance. Took his chain, took his rocks. Took his sediments. There's no cap inside my speech. No impediments.

Putting numbers on the board, I use my calculator. Put a opp below the floor, he's a denominator. E = mc2, you didn't notice that? Had the shot, but he's too scared. Why didn't he buss it back?

They finally released the audio recording from the black box in Kobe’s helicopter.

Apparently when the helicopter caught fire, Kobe was sitting right next to the only fire extinguisher. You could hear everyone screaming for him to put out the fire, but he couldn’t figure out how to use it. They begged and pleaded for him to give the extinguisher to anyone else... the last thing you hear is Kobe saying “I’d rather die than pass it!”

Adam and Eve were sitting on the beach one day, and Eve says to Adam, "Let's go for a swim." Adam replies, "I'm not in the mood."

She says, "Okay, I will go by myself." She puts her toes in the water and splashes around and says, "The water is beautiful, come in!" Adam replies, "Na, still not in the mood."

Eve wades into the water until she gets to her waist. Adam jumps up and yells at Eve standing waist deep and says, "Oh no, now all the fish are gonna smell like that!"