Put jokes

So uh, I did this thing where I put soap on my brother's toothbrush, and then I put more on and colored it to make it look like toothpaste, and uh, he is constipated now. I AM EVIL :3

A little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks, "What's that?"

The little boy says, "That’s my little red race car."

Ten minutes later, the boy looks down and asks, "What's that?"

The little girl says, "That’s my little red race car garage."

So later that night, the little boy asks the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage. She said yes, and then they pull down their pants and the boy tries putting his little red race car in her garage, but it won’t fit.

Downstairs, the mother hears an ear-piercing scream and runs up the stairs, flips on the lights and sees blood on the floor. The mother asks, "What happened?"

The little girl says, "We tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn’t fit, so I cut the back wheels off."

How do you know you’re at a gay cookout? They’re putting your sausage between two buns.

I asked a man for ten dollars for a cup of coffee. The man said coffee was only a quarter. I told him I was putting all my begs in one ask-it.

I made a website for orphans, but it wouldn’t let me put a homepage.

What were my final words to Putin before I put a bullet through his head?

Answer: Putin, put out!

Yo mama's so stupid, she put lipstick on her forehead to make up her mind.

What did the soccer player say to the flight attendant? "Please put me in coach!"

Why did the emo get put at the back of the line? He cut himself.

Did you know the giraffe’s hooves are the size of dinner plates? Too bad they would have nothing to put on them!

Why is my sister so annoying? Because put your own thing in.

Did you know that if you die you can still be a part of family game night!

All you have to do is have your family cremate you and put you in an hour glass, and the games that use hour glasses, well, you will be a part of family game night.

When we told Twin Towers to put on airplane mode, we didn't mean a real airplane.

I made a joke about putting babies in the microwave and got told I was a disgusting person.

So from now on I’ll only make baby in the deep fryer jokes.

Life is like a game of poker, guys start by going with them clubs, ladies follow with a set of hearts, guys put down the diamonds, and before you know it you got a full house.

What did the pelican say when he finished shopping?

"Put it in my bill."

What is the best way to keep dogs out of the street?

Put them in a barking lot!

When you think of the word "simp," you think of a girl. "Girl" stands for ghosts in real life. Another word for simp is "ding dong." Put them together, and you get ghosts in real life with ding dongs.

I know how unicorns make babies. The dad puts his horn in the girl's butt hole.

Yo' mama is so stupid, she put a quarter in a parking meter and waited for her gumball.