Put jokes

A guy goes to the store to buy thyme.

When he got back to put the thyme away he realized he still had thyme left. This was all for nothing, it was just a big waste of your thyme.

Why did tube date electricity? Because he would light up when she touched him.

So uh, I did this thing where I put soap on my brother's toothbrush, and then I put more on and colored it to make it look like toothpaste, and uh, he is constipated now. I AM EVIL :3

A little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks, "What's that?"

The little boy says, "That’s my little red race car."

Ten minutes later, the boy looks down and asks, "What's that?"

The little girl says, "That’s my little red race car garage."

So later that night, the little boy asks the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage. She said yes, and then they pull down their pants and the boy tries putting his little red race car in her garage, but it won’t fit.

Downstairs, the mother hears an ear-piercing scream and runs up the stairs, flips on the lights and sees blood on the floor. The mother asks, "What happened?"

The little girl says, "We tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn’t fit, so I cut the back wheels off."

Sippin' on promethazine With lean, I fell in love.

I can't put down the cup. I can't put down the cup. I can't put down the cup. I can't put down the cup. I can't put down the cup. I can't put down the cup.

How do you know you’re at a gay cookout? They’re putting your sausage between two buns.

My phone is just like the Twin Towers; they got put in airplane mode.

I made a website for orphans, but it wouldn’t let me put a homepage.

Yo mama's so stupid, she put lipstick on her forehead to make up her mind.

Why did the emo get put at the back of the line? He cut himself.

What were my final words to Putin before I put a bullet through his head?

Answer: Putin, put out!

Did you know that if you die you can still be a part of family game night!

All you have to do is have your family cremate you and put you in an hour glass, and the games that use hour glasses, well, you will be a part of family game night.

I made a joke about putting babies in the microwave and got told I was a disgusting person.

So from now on I’ll only make baby in the deep fryer jokes.

When we told Twin Towers to put on airplane mode, we didn't mean a real airplane.

Why is my sister so annoying? Because put your own thing in.

He probably picks hair off his dad’s dick, then probably puts it in his hair.

Did you know the giraffe’s hooves are the size of dinner plates? Too bad they would have nothing to put on them!

What did the soccer player say to the flight attendant? "Please put me in coach!"

Why did the sperm cross the road?

I put on the wrong socks this morning.

When you think of the word "simp," you think of a girl. "Girl" stands for ghosts in real life. Another word for simp is "ding dong." Put them together, and you get ghosts in real life with ding dongs.