Put jokes

Did you know that if you die you can still be a part of family game night!

All you have to do is have your family cremate you and put you in an hour glass, and the games that use hour glasses, well, you will be a part of family game night.

When we told Twin Towers to put on airplane mode, we didn't mean a real airplane.

I made a joke about putting babies in the microwave and got told I was a disgusting person.

So from now on I’ll only make baby in the deep fryer jokes.

Why did the emo get put at the back of the line? He cut himself.

What were my final words to Putin before I put a bullet through his head?

Answer: Putin, put out!

Yo mama's so stupid, she put lipstick on her forehead to make up her mind.

Did you know the giraffe’s hooves are the size of dinner plates? Too bad they would have nothing to put on them!

What is the best way to keep dogs out of the street?

Put them in a barking lot!

What did the soccer player say to the flight attendant? "Please put me in coach!"

Why is my sister so annoying? Because put your own thing in.

Life is like a game of poker, guys start by going with them clubs, ladies follow with a set of hearts, guys put down the diamonds, and before you know it you got a full house.

When you think of the word "simp," you think of a girl. "Girl" stands for ghosts in real life. Another word for simp is "ding dong." Put them together, and you get ghosts in real life with ding dongs.

What did the pelican say when he finished shopping?

"Put it in my bill."

I know how unicorns make babies. The dad puts his horn in the girl's butt hole.

What do doctors say to patients who blow wind backwards?

DON'T PUT THE FART BEFORE THE FORCE!!

Family are together playing charades.

Me: "50 Shades of Grey!" Yes, I'm so good at charades! Put your shirt back on, Nan!

My phone is just like the Twin Towers; they got put in airplane mode.

Sippin' on promethazine With lean, I fell in love.

I can't put down the cup. I can't put down the cup. I can't put down the cup. I can't put down the cup. I can't put down the cup. I can't put down the cup.

What do you do when you see a lady in a wheelchair?

You grab a stick and put it through the wheelchair and call her nunchucks.

I asked a man for ten dollars for a cup of coffee. The man said coffee was only a quarter. I told him I was putting all my begs in one ask-it.