Put jokes

God creating cats.

GOD: Make the most fluffy cute thing you can think of.

ANGEL: Ok.......................................anything else?

GOD: YES, PUT RAZOR BLADES ON ITS FEET!!!!!!!!

The teacher told me to put my MP3 away, so I brought out my MP5. Now that bitch knows what not to tell me.

So, I just got kicked out of the orphanage library for putting a book about parents in the fiction section.

Father and mother are making love in the bedroom. Mother is on top of father. Suddenly, the son enters the bedroom. Everyone is embarrassed, of course.

The next morning, the mother takes the little boy aside and says, "I'll tell you about what you saw yesterday. You know, Dad has a big belly, and that's why Mom sometimes sits on top of that belly to push it flat." The little boy says, "But Mama, that does not make any difference." "Oh no?" the mom asks. "No," says the little boy, "When you go to work, the neighbor comes, and she puts herself on her knees for Dad, and she blows his belly up again!"

My boyfriend told me to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.

Why are women like KFC?

After you've finished with the thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.

I put the sexy in dyslexia.

What’s the difference between hungry and horny?

Where you put the cucumber 🥒

Why did the heterosexual man put a mask on his cock to protect himself from COVID? Silly boy.

Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex.

They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch and think that their wife should be really happy.

A girl asked me to eat her out one time... so I put her in the oven.

Why did the Mexican get put on anxiety meds?

Because of Hispanic attacks.

I used to have confidence issues because of my learning disability.

Until someone told me I put the sexy in dyslexia.

A man saw a lady with big breasts. He asked, "Excuse me, can I bite your breasts for $1000?" She agrees, so they go to a secluded corner. She opens her blouse and the man puts his face in her breasts for 10 minutes. Eventually, the lady asks, "Aren't you gonna bite them?" He replies, "No, it's too expensive."

What do most 50-year-old men put inside their cars?

Children.

Do you know Putin?

Put in these balls in your mouth.

Student: 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?

Teacher: 502.

Student: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?

Teacher: No, you can't fit an elephant in a fridge!!

Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.

Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?

Teacher: open door, put giraffe in, close door

Student: No! Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.

Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one?

Teacher: let me guess the lion?

Student: No! The giraffe because He's in a fridge.

Teacher: WOW!

Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?

Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth?

Student: The gators are at the party.

Student: But Sally dies anyway. Why?

Teacher: She drowned?!

Student: No! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.

I was going on a date when I decided to put on Penaldo’s PR7 cologne to smell good. As I put on the cologne, my skin started to turn invisible!

I then realized the cologne had made me turn into a ghost 👻. Shame on you, Penaldo, for ruining my date 😡!

What does a skeleton put on his roof?

Shin-gulls.

It’s really hard to maintain a good body lately, unless you put it in a freezer.