Put Jokes

What do KFC and pussy have in common?

Both are finger lickin' good, and after you are done eating, you have a box to put the bone in.

Rizz

Are you a basketball hoop? 'Cause I want to put my balls in you.

Are you a photo biographer? 'Cause I can picture us together.

What's the difference between you and a fridge? The fridge doesn't moan when I put my meat in.

What’s the difference between fruit and dead babies?

I don’t put fruit in a blender.

So I went to my friend's funeral today. As we were all leaving, a kid put a "get well soon" card next to my friend's grave. 'Poor kid'.

I read a book on anti-gravity...

It was impossible to put down.

Surely people would consider putting pedals on wheelchairs so that their arms don't get tired.

And that concludes your French oral. You can put your trousers back up, and I'll see you on Monday.

Why couldn't the astronaut put the helmet on his head?

Because he didn't have enough space.

I have been thinking about suicide lately. I mean, hey, my mom tells me I can do anything I put my mind to.

What do you do when you finish a magazine at school? Put another one in and continue!

I went for a job interview today and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."

"Well, I'm your man," I replied. "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."

The way you talk is so slow that they put you in the movie Fast and Furious and changed the title to Slow and Serious!!!😂😂😭

Yo mama so fat, when she joined NASA, they put her in orbit and the next day there was a lunar eclipse.

Why did the bank robber shoot the man with no arms?

Because he told the man to put his hands up.

An older retired couple - the wife had grown tired of her husband farting in bed each night. One morning she put some chicken parts under the blankets in bed next to him and went off to make some coffee.

A few minutes later she hears a loud fart followed by a blood curdling scream. He comes out after a while and says, "Hon, you were right that I would fart my guts out. Took me the longest to put them back in."

What do you call it when Hitler puts retards in the oven? Baked potatoes.

Why did the blondie put her iPad in the blender? To make apple juice.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to take Snoop Dogg for a walk.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to put Vin Diesel in her gas tank.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to mop the floor with Taylor Swift.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to ring Kristen Bell.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to skim Dwayne Johnson across a lake.

I was joking about self-harm to my friend, and she told me to "CUT it out!" I couldn't even laugh.

When we were at the self-checkout, she started scanning my arms. I asked her what she was doing. She said, "Trying to see if it beeps, ya think I'd get it to work if I scanned your thighs?"

I said, "Nah, bro, you'd overload the system if you put it there."

You walk into a McDonald's and you ask for some extra mayo, and they put too much on there.

I say I didn't order a "McCumshot."