Put jokes

Book

Guys, don’t put the Holocaust books in the fiction section, it was the worst mistake of my life!

Girl

Found this girl in Hawaii.

Put a stick up her ass and she said, "Ayi."

Priest

What do priests and McDonald's have in common? They both like putting their meat in between 5-year-old buns.

Chinese

How do you turn a Chinese person into an American? Put a bag of ice on their eyes.

Memes

Difference

What is the difference between a woman and my fridge?

Only one moans when I put my meat in it.

Comment

We are close to beating the world record of comments on this website (171). Right now, there are 155, so put more comments!

Cowboy

Why did the cowboy put his bunk in the fireplace?

'Cause he wanted to sleep like a log!

Pizza

Why do we put round pizzas in square boxes and eat them as triangles?

Santa

Santa decided coal was too expensive, so he started putting shredded lettuce and mayo in naughty kid's lockers... he calls it the coal's law.

Murder

Roses or daisies? Now I know what flowers to put on your casket when I murder that pussy.

Vacuum

I had a broken vacuum, then I put a One Direction sticker on it and it suddenly sucked again.

Difference

What's the difference between a gay man and a freezer?

A freezer doesn't scream when you put meat inside it.

Ash

Did you hear about the woman who put her husband’s ashes in a burrito?

He gets to tear that ass up one more time.

Dwarf

Times are hard at the moment for people on disability benefits. I’ve got a friend who’s a dwarf...

...and he’s struggling to put food on the table.

Teacher

The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.”

The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”

Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”

The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”

Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.

Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”

The teacher sat down and cried.