What do priests and McDonald's have in common? They both like putting their meat in between 5-year-old buns.
Put Jokes
How do you turn a Chinese person into an American? Put a bag of ice on their eyes.
Everyone put your age here.
What is the difference between a woman and my fridge?
Only one moans when I put my meat in it.
What's the biggest problem with gravity?
It keeps putting people down.
We are close to beating the world record of comments on this website (171). Right now, there are 155, so put more comments!
Why did the cowboy put his bunk in the fireplace?
'Cause he wanted to sleep like a log!
How do you get a white girl to suck your dick?
Put ranch dressing on it.
Why do we put round pizzas in square boxes and eat them as triangles?
Santa decided coal was too expensive, so he started putting shredded lettuce and mayo in naughty kid's lockers... he calls it the coal's law.
Roses or daisies? Now I know what flowers to put on your casket when I murder that pussy.
How do you get a black girl to suck your meat?
Put barbecue sauce on it.
I had a broken vacuum, then I put a One Direction sticker on it and it suddenly sucked again.
What's the difference between a gay man and a freezer?
A freezer doesn't scream when you put meat inside it.
Did you hear about the woman who put her husband’s ashes in a burrito?
He gets to tear that ass up one more time.
Times are hard at the moment for people on disability benefits. I’ve got a friend who’s a dwarf...
...and he’s struggling to put food on the table.
Are you a playground? Because I want to put my kids in you.
The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.”
The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”
Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”
The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”
Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.
Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”
The teacher sat down and cried.
The teacher asks, "Who is a Trump fan?" Everyone in the class, wanting to be liked by their teacher, all put their hands up, except for Little Johnny. The teacher asks, "Little Johnny, why are you being different again?" Little Johnny says, "Because I'm not a Trump fan." The teacher asks, "Why are you not a Trump fan?" and Little Johnny says, "Because my dad's a democrat and my mum's a democrat so I'm a democrat." And then his teacher says, "So if your dad was an idiot and your mum was a moron, what would that make you?" And Little Johnny replies, "A Trump fan."
They put the woman's rights in the fantasy section in the library.
