Puns

Playing a game called 7-Up.

Student: Why can't I use a pencil to tap their fingers?

Teacher: It's cheating!

Student: No! It's the object of the game.

Here's a good tree joke to spruce up your day!

I searched on Google, "How to start a wildfire?"

I got 39,300,000 matches.

Can a match box? No, but a tin can.

You’ll parsley believe how many puns I have. Hopefully your funny-bone isn’t broken because these are real rib-ticklers.

I did not want to join sailing, but my friend roped me into it.

Have you ever seen the Pokemon called Ryh... Rhydon these nuts?

How does Hitler tie his shoes?

Into little Nazis.

I went on a one in a lifetime vacation. Never again!

Liam Gallagher went into a café for a cup of tea. The assistant asked him if "he wanted a roll with it."

What did the tree say to his sister? Wood you please leaf me alone, you son of a birch?

Why don't bulls play archery? They might hit a bulls-eye.

When this guy fell off a cliff, he got an A+ for egg-cellence!

Why is 1026 afraid of 1028?

Because 1028 1029.

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.

She looked at me surprised.

(P.S. I am not at that age plus I am as straight as a helix ruler.)

Hey, you know those birds and lizards that feast on decaying flesh?

Oh, sorry, I shouldn't carrion about it.

"So you dropped my instruments on stage?"

"It was only the Bass!"

What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.

What do you call a non-binary person that is lactose intolerant?

Non-buy dairy.

I say "cow poop," cows say "moonure."