Puns

If you're cleaning a vacuum cleaner, does that make you the vacuum cleaner?

Why would a dead guy lie?

Because he can't stand up.

Question: Why don't cannibals eat clowns?

Answer: Because they taste funny!

My cat got in a fight. It was a catastrophe.

Why are emo jokes so infamous?

Because they cut deep.

What do you call a dinosaur that likes subtraction?

A galiminus.

No, no, no, no. Spot the intruder.

There's no one.

What do you call a toy that has a story?

Toy Story.

Did you hear the rumors about butter?

Never mind—you shouldn't spread them.

I would make a joke about Silver the Hedgehog... but it's no use!

One time I walked into a room and I saw a man and a dwarf, and I soon found out that the man was the dwarf's father, and I noticed that the dwarf really looked up to him.

Tonight I'm making a fort. I'm calling it Fortnite.

What’s impossible?

Steven Walkings.

What is Thanos's favorite video game?

Pokémon Snap.

I'm not lazy, I'm just bone tired. I bet that one tickled your funny bone. It sure got me rattled. Don't try to stop me. I've got a skele-ton of these!

I need to get new shoes; one of these isn’t right.

Why would you never donate to crabs?

Because they're shellfish!

Ok, I put one penny down. Do you smell anything?

1 scent.

I put two pennies down. Do you see any fruit?

2 pears.

I put three pennies down. Do you see any law enforcement?

3 coppers.

I put four pennies down. Do you see any cars?

4 Lincolns.

I put five pennies down. Do you see any pussies?

NOT FOR 5 CENTS YOU DONT!

Where do you go if you lost a pencil?

Office Works! They have solved loads of pencil cases.

What do you say to your pet when you're super tired, slow, and worn out?

"I'm totally dogging it today..."