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Book

  • Me: Hey, what book are you reading?

    Him: "The Twisted Ones."

    Me: Uh, I guess that book is pretty twisted.

    Fool

  • The date is April 1st.

    Somebody asks you what you are doing.

    “I guess you could say I’m... fooling around ( ✧≖ ͜ʖ≖)“

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    Wendy

  • I drove past Wendy’s the other day. No other stores were open, so I asked, “Wendy’s openin’ then?”

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    Nut

  • I got banana nut bread for you.

    Oh no, the nuts are missing!

    Oh, I found them!

    You know where they are?

    UP YOUR BUTTHOLE!

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    Baby

  • Doctor: Hands husband his baby.

    Doctor: I'm sorry but your wife didn't make it.

    Husband: Then give me the one she made.