Puns
My new leaf blower doesn't work. It sucks.
What's the name of a crazy crap that wins everything? Winnie da Pooh.
My pencil sharpener broke, so now my pencil is pointless.
Hana?
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked at me surprised.
(P.S. I am not at that age plus I am as straight as a helix ruler.)
Tell all the skeleton jokes you want, but I've got thick skin.
- I think you're EGGcellent.
+ Wow... You really CRACK ME UP with that joke. I think you're a EGGxtraordinary comedian.
- Really? Are you done yet?.
+ Are you kidding? I have a DOZEN of them.
So I was visiting my friends Timmy and Tommy at the phone store and I said, "A. T&T!"
If you're cleaning a vacuum cleaner, does that make you the vacuum cleaner?
I always look at the earth and think, "Ahh, this is TREE-ific!"
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
It's easy to roast beef.
If Jesus was real, they wouldn’t call it the crucifixion. They would call it crucifact.
What’s the world’s most diseased country?
GerMany.
If I hung myself from a cliff, would people call me a cliffhanger?
People who torture others for making bad puns should be severely punished.
What happens when a battery commits a crime? They get charged!
I have a joke about construction. I'm still working on it.
Want to hear a joke about prostitution?
Never mind, it's whoreable :)
Poopy loopy.
Armless child: Can you give me a hand??
Me: Ok.