Puns
One time my friend nutted into my bag of trail mix.
I guess you could say I fucking ate a different kind of nut.
I was at a football match, and the ball was getting closer. Then it hit me. *face palm*
Did you know that a lot of graves are put in churchyards?
Yeah, they're pretty holey.
What do big fat male cows have?
Moobs.
What happens when two pieces of bread from the same loaf have sex?
They become in-bread.
What did chemical 1 say to chemical 2?
"I think you're overreacting."
Why are you gay? Because I said so!
I dipped my hand in red food dye, so I said, "Looks like I’ve been caught red-handed!"
Sans: Why couldn't the skeleton go to prom?
Papyrus: Why? AND YOU KNOW I HATE PUNS!
Sans: Because they had NO BODY to go with.
Papyrus: THAT IS ENOUGH!!!
Sans: Sorry, didn't mean to GET UNDER YOUR SKIN.
Papyrus: YOU HAVE MADE ME MAD TO THE BONE SANS......wait
Sans: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Why did the roster cross the road twice?
To prove it was not a chicken.
What is Jack Frost's favorite mode of transport?
A Tri-cycle.
What do you call a farting boxer?
Gaseous Clay.
Person: I broke my arm in three places.
Doctor: Well, don't go to those three places then.
Why do tables never need wheelchairs? Because even without the ‘t’ they are still able.
How do you make a hotdog stand? You take away its chair.
When you're driving past a graveyard say: "Wow, people were just dying to get in there."
Why do some men call their testicles "bells"? Because it's next to their "ding-dong."
I was at a baseball game and I was wondering why the ball was coming closer.
And then it hit me.
I was watching a TV show where a guy was hanging off a cliff, then the series ended... I guess you can say that they left that guy on a cliffhanger!
Why does Waldo wear stripes?
'Cause he doesn't want to be spotted.