Puns
Three kids one day found a magical slide. There was a sign next to it saying, “Whatever you wish for comes true once you slide down.” One kid stepped up and slid down. He wished for a river of chocolate, thus he swam in a chocolate river.
The second kid slid down and wished for a mountain of money. He then landed in a pile of money. The third kid went down and said, “Weeeeeeee!”
You’ll parsley believe how many puns I have. Hopefully your funny-bone isn’t broken because these are real rib-ticklers.
Why did the farmer name his pig Ink?
Because he kept on running out of the pen.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
What do you call a banana eating a banana?
Canabananalism.
Me: Hi Kallen.
Kallen: Hi.
Me: You're too big to fit in my car.
What did one poop say to the other poop? What's the matter? You look flushed!
This Fairy Tail shirt is only $9.99! Guess you can say that's a fair retail.
Q: What is the opposite of 'Dominos'?
A: Domi doesn't know!
Why can't you buy an iPhone X?
It's too expensive.
My friend had a house FULL of okra, but it blew up and okra was everywhere.
I guess you can call that place Okra-homa!
Don't touch my pickles - they are very picklish.
Person 1 says to Person 2: "I know a man with a wooden leg named Smith."
So Person 2 says to Person 1: "What's the name of his other leg?"
I met a drum circle once, they were a huge hit!
My friend told me I should be a stand up comedian but... I prefer sitting.
What did the stepdad say to the flower? You're grounded!
What do you call a laughing motorcycle?
A Yamahahahaha!
Have you ever been to the ocean? Well, the smokers out there probably only seaweed!
My friend wasn't laughing at my jokes, so I said, "Is your funny bone broken?" But he got mad, and then I said, "Do you have a bone to pick with me?" He tried to insult me, but I said, "Call me what you want, I got thick skin," and this story was down to the bone.
All trucks are monster trucks if you’re afraid of trucks.