Puns

What do you call a bear with extreme mood swings? -- A bi-polar-bear.

Why did the strawberry cry? -- Because his mother was in a jam.

What did Captain Picard say when he brought his sewing machine to the repairman? -- "Make it sew."

I had to clean out my spice rack and found everything was too old and had to be thrown out. What a waste of thyme.

My grandma refused to be an organ donor. She was buried with all her musical instruments.

Where do cows go on holiday? -- Moo Zealand.

Why doesn't the Sun go to college? Because it has a million degrees.

Why are cats bad storytellers? Because they only have one tail.

Why did the tomato blush? -- Because it saw the salad dressing.

How does a fish always know how much they weigh? -- Because they have their own scales.

What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? -- One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.

Can a match box? No, but a tin can.

Can February march? -- No, but April may.

Why did the coffee file a police report? -- Because it was mugged.

What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? -- "Bison."

What did the fish say before he hit the wall? -- "Oh, dam."

When do you know you are getting a good deal on a boat? -- When there's a sail on it.

Why did the girl quit her job at the donut factory?

She was fed up with the hole business.

What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.

How do trees get online? -- They just log in.