Puns
What do you say to toast with bad shoes?
"Butter those."
Have you heard about the corduroy pillow cases? They've been making headlines.
What pants do you wear to church? Hole-y ones.
You’re Russian when you go to the bathroom and Finnish when you come out. What are you in the bathroom?
European.
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Yes, because a house doesn’t jump.
I lick cows for my mother.
Two fish were in a tank. One turned to the other and asked: "Hey, how do you drive this thing?"
Hey updog!
What's updog?
(Laughter)
Brian was shopping at a mall. He hopped onto an escalator. Next to him were two people having an argument. Eventually, one of them pulled out a pocket knife threatening to stab the other. Brian murmured "Well, that escalated quickly..."
Have I told you the joke about the airplane? Ah, forget it, it probably just went over your head.
If drinking alcohol makes you an alcoholic, does drinking Fanta make you fantastic?
How did the flight attendant want their burger?
Just plane!
Q: Why do Norwegian ships have bar codes on them?
A: So when they come into port they can Scan-Da-Navy-In!
What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta!
They finally made a movie about a clock, about time.
"I asked my friend what his height is?" He answered, "I'm sans'sational!"
"Wheel" all miss him, right?
Monkey: What ya doing?
Other monkey: Just you know, "hanging around."
Bad joke, right? I just can't think of something amazing. It's like my brain is "hanging."
Yesterday I asked my friend, "What is a fish without eyes?"
They replied, "I don’t know."
I said, "Fsh."
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Who.
Who who.
You sound like an owl.