Yo momma so fat, when she pulled out the chair, it screamed and broke itself.
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and his wheelchair?
At least his wheelchair can pull a woman.
If gravity pulls things down at 9.8 m/s squared, why did the emo kid not come down?
Quiet kid reaches down and class starts running.
Quiet kid: What's wrong? Pulling out my...
Your mamma is so fat that she has a gravitational pull.
Why can't a Leicester fan pull girls? He can only do the fox trot.
If your blind girlfriend says you have a big cock, she's probably just pulling your leg.
Teacher: What do you kids want to be when you grow up?
Kid 1: I want to be a firefighter.
Kid 2: I want to be a police officer.
Kid 3: I want to be dead like both my parents.
Teacher: Ok, everyone pull out your books.
Kid 4: Are we going to ignore what he said?
Teacher: What do you want me to do? Call his parents?
Why is a gun like a box of chocolates?
If you pull one out in class, everyone wants to be your friend.
What did the grandma say at the hospital when you pulled the tube?...................
Me: Hey, do you want to see my grandma?
Friend: Yeah, sure.
Me: *pulls out gun*
What did the skeleton pull out from behind his ear?
Nothing. Skeletons don’t have ears.
Wives are like grenades. Pull the ring, and the house is gone.
Woman gets pulled over by a cop.
Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"
Lady: "No, officer."
Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"
Lady: "Just water, officer."
Cop: "Looks like wine to me."
Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"
The police: Pull over!
The kid: Do you know who my dad is?
The police: What, your mom did not tell you?
I hope you have to pull hard on a candy wrapper only for the bag to pop and have the candy fall on the floor.
A guy walks into a bar. He goes up to the bartender and says, "If I can surprise you, I get a free drink." The bartender was unsure but agreed.
The guy pulled a 30cm long pianist out of his pocket, and he starts to play.
The bartender was surprised and gave the guy a free drink.
The guy then says, "You see, I have a little wizard in my pocket that grants wishes. Can I get another free drink if you get a free wish?"
The bartender agrees without hesitation.
The bartender wishes for 1000 bucks, but he gets 1000 ducks.
"WTF!" the man shouts.
The guy answered, "Did you think I wanted a 30cm long pianist?"
I was exploring a haunted mansion when I encountered a ghost named Pristiano Penaldo. He asked if I supported Burnley as he wanted to statpad against me. Luckily, I pulled out my trusty Liverpool shirt, and he disappeared. Shame on you, Penaldo.
Little Johnny was in class and the teacher said, "Okay class, what's behind my back?" She said, "It's round and red," and Sally said, "Ooh, ooh, it's an apple!" And the teacher said, "No, but I like where you're going with this." So now the teacher said, "It is also used to make multiple things," and Sally said, "Ooh, ooh, it's a container of paint!" And the teacher said, "Again, no, but I like where you're going with this." And the teacher said, "It's a ball of yarn," as she pulled it out from behind her back. Then Little Johnny said, "Okay, my turn." He said, "What's in my pocket? It's round and it has a head." And the teacher said, "That's enough, Johnny, now sit down." And Little Johnny pulled the thing out of his pocket and said, "It's a nickel, but I like where you're going with this."
What do you call it when Red Sox can't pull out?
Boston cream pie.
