Profession jokes
Pooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
An attractive man and a blonde meet in an elevator.
"Where are you heading today?" the man asks.
"I'm going down to give blood."
"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"
"About $30."
"Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100."
The woman, slightly annoyed, gets off the elevator. The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again.
"Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?"
"Sperm bank," she mumbles with her mouth full.
What does a gorilla attorney study?
The law of the jungle.
A professional golfer driving his Porsche picked up an Irish girl hitchhiker. He had his golfing gear on the back seat. The Irish girl picked up something and asked, "What are these?"
"Those are tees," he said. "I rest my balls on them when I drive."
"Wow!" said the girl. "What will those car makers think of next!"
A pilot is having a talk with one of his passengers. The passenger asks, "Why did you become a pilot?" The pilot replies with, "To face my fears." The passenger then says, "You're afraid of heights?" "No, I'm afraid of dying alone."
So I'm the cable guy around the neighborhood, and I do everybody's cable. So I walked into this one house, and I noticed a little kid and the mom was upstairs. I was asking where her mom was, and she wasn't answering, and it looked like something was wrong, so I asked if anything was wrong. She didn't answer, so I kind of raised my voice at her, but she still didn't answer, and then I realized the hearing aid in her ear.
It’s all fun and games at “take your kid to work day” until you realize your dad is a suicide bomber.
Being a man that is poor really isn't that bad as long as you are involved in the world's oldest profession and you are well-endowed and you are not homophobic and as long as you can suck the chrome off a tailpipe then you have nothing to worry about if you are desperate enough to pay your bills.
Lack of money is the root of all evil. 😊
What do you call a prostitute with a major in math?
The thot that counts.
How do you know if a woman that is poor who is between 18-24 years old is poor enough to do anything for money to help pay her bills? She would be working as a lesbian prostitute inside a lesbian hotel in San Francisco, CA.
What do you get when you put 50 lawyers in a room with 50 lesbians? One hundred people who don't do dick.
What did the owl that's a detective say?
"Hoo did it?"
I lick poo for a living... You?
Do you know how to make a plumber cry?
Kill his family.
Overall, I'd say my career as a photographer has been a bit of a blur.
What would you name a detective if he didn't already have a name?
Cassie.
Get it?
What is an astronaut's favorite button? A space bar.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?
A rooster clucks defiance!
Orange you glad you are not a comedian?
How do you make a plumber die?
You kill his family.