Profession jokes
Me: Are you okay?
Dentist: I'm just a bit surprised. When I said to you "spit it out," I wasn't expecting you to say you've been shagging my wife.
What do you call an Asian receptionist?
Tai Ping.
Did you know nine of ten dentists recommend oral sex?
All then are bad.
When does a doctor get mad?
When he runs out of patients!
To become a licensed airline pilot requires 1,500 hours (two years) of training. But it only takes 10 seconds to steal the pilot’s jacket and hat.
A 28-year-old medical student is auctioning off her virginity online.
For $300K, you can have the worst sex of your life.
What do you call a dev that is dead?
A deadveloper.
What did the bull say to the bullfighter?
What's the "matador?"
What is burned dark and glued to the wall?
A bad electrician.
I have a really good construction joke.
But I'm still working on it.
A prostitute walks in the bar, and she goes up to the bartender and says, "I just made $100 and 5¢ sucking dick." The bartender says, "Who gave you the 5¢?" The prostitute says, "They all did!"
Me: I'ma sign up to be a clown.
My friend: Why?
Me: Because my life is a joke. 😂
Jobs,
50 shapes head.
So, if being a paedophile is a career, then burying the bodies must be gardening.
What do you call a prostitute with no arms or legs?
Cash and carry.
What do you get when you cross a clergyman and a politician?
A panhandler.
If a master fisherman had a caddie, what would be the caddie's job title?
A master baiter.
So, I was sitting with my little brother and talking about our dreams. "What do you wanna be when you grow up?" I asked him. He answered, "A doctor!" I wanted to tease him so I said, "I wouldn't be treated by a doctor like you." I was hoping he would get mad or something, but instead, he calmly replied, "Brother, I said doctor. Not a vet."
What do magicians and prostitutes have in common?
Answer: disappearing acts.