Problem jokes
Are you a toaster? 'Cause I wanna take a bath with you.
Are you a knife? 'Cause you make me wanna KMS.
Are you a painting? 'Cause I hang you.
Are you the flu? 'Cause you make me wanna hurl.
Are you a newspaper? 'Cause you have new problems every day.
Are you the ground? 'Cause I'm six feet deep in you ;)
If you ever get mad, just hit an orphan.
What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
Bully... you're such an asshole. Me... Acting like a dick won't make yours any bigger.
I have a problem. My dad and my girlfriend have the same birthday. So, one took my virginity, and the other is my girlfriend.
Run, or something will come to you, and you will be afraid to tell it to stop following you.
An old woman goes to the doctor complaining of extremely smelly gas.
"I don't understand it, Doc," she said, "I have this terrible, terrible gas." "Thankfully," she added, "they are at least silent when I fart."
Doctor hands her a bottle of pills, tells her take them all and then come back to see him.
The old woman returned a short time later extremely mad. "I took those pills like you said and not only is my gas smelly, but now when I fart they are obnoxiously loud!", she yelled.
The doctor said, "well, now that we've solved your hearing problem, let's see what we can do about that gas".
What did one Koala say to the other?
"Help me I'm burning. Aaaugh!!! Oh fuck oh fuck I'm on fire!! AAAAaugh!"
Why couldn't the astronaut put the helmet on his head?
Because he didn't have enough space.
What's the best way to cure the hiccups? Suicide.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't find home.
Why did the skeleton not go to prom?
Because it had no body to dance with!
What step did the DNA not take in his math equation?
He forgot to adenine!
What did the blind kid get for Christmas? He hasn’t seen it yet... What did the kids with no arms get? He doesn’t know, he’s still trying to figure out how to open it. :))))
If Carlos and Jose took a brownie from me and I had 10 to start, what do I have?
Answer: A math problem.
Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the street?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
haha why couldn't the bike stand up because it was too tired.
Why can't dinosaurs talk?
'Cause they're dead.
So, a mom and a dad take their son to a therapist.
“What seems to be the problem?” the therapist asked.
“Our son thinks he’s a refrigerator!” they said.
So the therapist replies, “Oh dear, that must be a problem.”
“Yeah, he sleeps with his mouth open, and the light is really bright.”
The only problem being short and gay is that whenever I try to tell people I'm top in my relationship, they don't believe me because I'm shorter than the person I'm dating, like, WTF?
Q: Why can't Helen Keller drive?
A: Because she's a woman.