Probability jokes

So I heard Kenny's mom got moved to a nursing home.

He'll probably leave her alone now.

He doesn't eat vegetables.

You're probably getting tired of these gravity jokes... but I keep falling for them every time.

He probably picks hair off his dad’s dick, then probably puts it in his hair.

Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it's probably shit.

My new girlfriend is a porn star. She would probably kill me if she found out.

I have a saying. Whenever you find a sink, there's probably a dead baby inside it...

Imagine the Russians showing up late to the 1917 revolution with a Tsarbucks in hand. They were late, so I guess they weren't Russian. They were probably Stalin.

Why does Sans like puns so much? Probably because he finds them humorous.

Broccoli is like anal sex.

If you're forced to have it as a child, you probably won't like it as an adult.

- Dude, what is your favorite rapper?

- He is very cold-blooded.

- Why?

- He is Ice Cube.

Friend: Why don't you cut your hair?

Me: Dunno, but I'll probably cut my wrists first.

The reason Stephen Hawkings died is probably because he fell off his wheelchair, and he must've pressed shut down by accident.

I'd make a joke about Noble Gases, but I probably wouldn't get much of a reaction.

"Why do people call Americans excessive?"

"It was probably because of WWII."

"Oh, you mean the war where America responded to the destruction of several ships and a harbor and the deaths of a little over a thousand by completely flattening two cities and killing hundreds of thousands of people?"

You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands. For example, if she's holding a gun, she's probably angry.

*Hears the news about Sandy Hook* Person 1: "God, I can only imagine what was going through those kids' heads in the last moments of their lives..."

Person 2: "Probably Bullets."

Person 1: "OMG!! Can you even think of what their parents are going through?!"

Person 2: "Probably Coffin Brochures."

Person 1: "...."

Person 2: "It's called dark humor. Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it."

Stage 4 cancer is like a woman. You can’t beat it, but if you do, she’ll probably come back again.

I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don't understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "what's so sad?" and she said "What do you think was running through these kid's heads before they died?" I replied "probably a bullet". She gasped and said "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parent's heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."

Person 1: Did you hear the joke bout 9/11?

Person 2: No, but it'll probably crash and burn.

I ate the last of my Egyptian food, and now I falafel. I don't know why I made that joke. Probably just becuscus.