Your momma's so fat that she should probably be worried about the increased risk of cardiovascular disease.
If life gives you melons, you're probably dyslexic.
Vladimir Putin is probably a homophobe because he has to go through life with the name of a gay porn star.
Ever wonder where people got their surnames? Mr. Baker was probably a baker. Mr. Butcher was probably a butcher. And then there was Mr. Dickinson...
How is spinach like anal sex?
If you were forced to have it as a child, you probably won't like it as an adult.
I got into a fight with 1, 3, 5, 7, and 9. The odds were against me.
You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles. If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.
5 out of 6 scientists say Russian Roulette is safe.
If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program.
The rest of them will write Perl programs.
A computer science student is studying under a tree, and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, "Where'd you get that?"
The student on the bike replies, "While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, 'You can have anything you want.'"
The first student responds, "Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."
Jesus seemed like he was probably a good guy; healed the sick, fed the hungry, and gave good advice.
Jesus had only one flaw: he was always hanging around.
How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
It's some weird number. You probably never heard of it.
