Probability

Probability Jokes

Airplane

Have I told you the joke about the airplane? Ah, forget it, it probably just went over your head.

Bullet

What was the last thing to run through Osama bin Laden's mind? Probably a bullet.

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  • Phone

    A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him. Everyone else in the room stops to listen:

    Man: Hello? Woman: Hi honey, it's me. Are you at the club? Man: Yes. Woman: I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man: Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. Woman: I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man: How much? Woman: $90,000. Man: Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman: Great! Oh, and one more thing... I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market... they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man: I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman: OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man: I love you to.

    The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.

    The man turns around and says: “Anyone know whose phone this is?”

    Prank

    So this guy thought he was funny by pissing on the floor and not in the urinal.

    Later on, I guess some kid ran into the bathroom because, well, he probably had to go, but yeah, he slipped and fell and hit his head on the urinal, so all in all it was a pretty good prank on his part.

    Chick

    So I'm banging the fuck out of this slutty chick, right?

    And I'm thinking to myself, "She's PROBABLY got AIDS." So I go and get myself tested and, lo and behold, I'm positive.

    This gets me thinking, "Where the fuck does an eight year old get AIDS?!"

    "Who has my sister been hanging out with?!"

    Autism

    Why do people think Mozart was autistic?

    Because he was probably retarded.

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  • Blonde

    What do you call a blonde in the freezer?

    Her parents named her Cindy, so we should probably continue to call her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.

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  • Momma

    Your momma's so fat that she should probably be worried about the increased risk of cardiovascular disease.

    Homophobe

    Vladimir Putin is probably a homophobe because he has to go through life with the name of a gay porn star.

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  • Surname

    Ever wonder where people got their surnames? Mr. Baker was probably a baker. Mr. Butcher was probably a butcher. And then there was Mr. Dickinson...

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  • Anal Sex

    How is spinach like anal sex?

    If you were forced to have it as a child, you probably won't like it as an adult.

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  • Odds

    I got into a fight with 1, 3, 5, 7, and 9. The odds were against me.

  • 1
  • Ankle

    You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles. If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.

    Programming

    If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program.

    The rest of them will write Perl programs.