Probability Jokes

Anonymous

What was the last thing to run through osama bin ladens mind? Probably a bullet.

6
Scott
in Wife

**** (A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him … everyone else in the room stops to listen): Man : Hello? Woman : Hi honey, it’s me. Are you at the club? Man : Yes. Woman : I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man : Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. Woman : I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man : How much? Woman : $90,000. Man : Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman : Great! Oh, and one more thing … I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market … they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man : I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman : OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man : I love you to. **** (The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.) The man turns around and says : “Anyone know whose phone this is”?

Anonymous
in Depression

Orphan boy:Your dad is probably dissapointed of you i mean look at you Me: well at least my parents kept me wheres yours

5
Daniel

I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don’t understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, what’s so sad and she said “What do you think was running through these kid’s head before they died”. I replied “probably a bullet”, she gasped and said “do you have any idea how insensitive that is, what do you think is running through their parent’s heads”, I said " probably all the money their losing from this funeral".

Anonymous

The sexual shout “Yes Daddy” probably originated in alabama

4
Anonymous
in Programming

A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, “Where’d you get that?”

The student on the bike replies, “While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, “You can have anything you want.””

The first student responds, “Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you.”

4
Anonymous

You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles. – If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.

0
Sadly me
in Depression

My friend has a dry sense of humour

Probably bc her body was decomposed ages ago

Anonymous
in Anti

you can tell a lot about a woman’s mood just by her hands. For example, if she’s holding a gun, she’s probably angry.

5
Anonymous
in Depression

Getting murdered by someone is probably the most intimate experience I’ll ever have.

Kamikaze

"Just say no to drugs!" well, if i’m talking to my drugs, i probably already said yes

The Fires Of Hell

Hears the news about Sandy Hook Person 1:God,I can only imagine what was going through those kids heads in the last moments of their lives… Person 2:Probably Bullets Person 1:OMG!!Can you even think of what their parents are going through?! Person 2:Probably Coffin Brochures Person 1:… Person 2:Its called dark humor.Dark humor is like food,not everyone gets it.

2
Sam

Stage 4 cancer is like a woman you can’t beat it but if you do she’ll probably come back again

Phydeaux

Ever wonder where people got their surnames? Mr Baker was probably a baker. Mr Butcher was probably a butcher. And then there was Mr Dickinson…

5
LoyalGameTheriost18
in Undertale

Why does Sans like puns so much, probably because he finds them humourus

SANSationalPuns06
in Skeleton

I did so much research that I got BONE-tired from doing this TIBIA honest. You probably didn’t find that HUMERUS. I got a SKELETON of these puns. I guess i could learn a FEMUR puns. I was wondering if the the creators of this site could TALUS how they come up with puns or maybe give some advice? I’m only 14 years-old.

Anonymous

Can you imagine the last thing that went through the minds of 911 victims?

Well, probably their kneecaps.

Anonymous

So I heard Kenny’s mom got moved to a nursing home. He’ll probably leave her alone now. He doesn’t eat vegetables.

jango

Broccoli is like anal sex.

If you’re forced to have it as a child, you probably won’t like it as an adult.

4
Te4inchpounder

So I’m banging the fuck out of this slutty chick, right? And I’m thinking to myself, “She’s PROBABLY got AIDS.” So I go and get myself tested and, lo-and-behold, I’m positive. This gets me thinking, “Where the fuck does an eight year old get AIDS?!” “Who has my sister been hanging out with?!”