Probability Jokes

What was the last thing to run through Osama bin Laden's mind? Probably a bullet.

5 out of 6 scientists say Russian Roulette is safe.

Heterosexual sodomy is like religion. If you were forced to accept it when you were younger, you probably would not like it when you become an adult.

Circumcision is like getting your dick sucked by a female. If you did not like it when you were a teenager, you probably will not like it when you become an adult.

The sexual shout "Yes Daddy" probably originated in Alabama.

Orphan boy: "Your dad is probably disappointed in you. I mean, look at you."

Me: "Well, at least my parents kept me. Where are yours?"

My friend has a dry sense of humor.

Probably because her body was decomposed ages ago.

Can you imagine the last thing that went through the minds of 911 victims?

Well, probably their kneecaps.

Ever wonder where people got their surnames? Mr. Baker was probably a baker. Mr. Butcher was probably a butcher. And then there was Mr. Dickinson...

911 jokes are just plane wrong, my dad was a great pilot you know.

This joke probably flew over people's heads, but for some people it flew into their head.

I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don't understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "what's so sad?" and she said "What do you think was running through these kid's heads before they died?" I replied "probably a bullet". She gasped and said "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parent's heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."

You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands. For example, if she's holding a gun, she's probably angry.

I got into a fight with 1, 3, 5, 7, and 9. The odds were against me.

A computer science student is studying under a tree, and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, "Where'd you get that?"

The student on the bike replies, "While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, 'You can have anything you want.'"

The first student responds, "Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."

You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles. If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.

Broccoli is like anal sex.

If you're forced to have it as a child, you probably won't like it as an adult.

Getting murdered by someone is probably the most intimate experience I'll ever have.

So I'm banging the fuck out of this slutty chick, right?

And I'm thinking to myself, "She's PROBABLY got AIDS." So I go and get myself tested and, lo and behold, I'm positive.

This gets me thinking, "Where the fuck does an eight year old get AIDS?!"

"Who has my sister been hanging out with?!"

How is spinach like anal sex?

If you were forced to have it as a child, you probably won't like it as an adult.

My new girlfriend is a porn star. She would probably kill me if she found out.