Priest Jokes

On a bus, a priest sat next to a drunk who was struggling to read a newspaper.

Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:

"Do you know what arthritis is?"

The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:

"It's a disease caused by sinful and unruly life: excess, consumption of alcohol, drugs, marijuana, crack, and certainly lost women, prostitutes, promiscuity, sex, binges, and other things I dare not say."

The drunk widened his eyes, shut up, and continued reading the newspaper.

A little later the priest, thinking that he had been too hard on the drunk, tried to soften:

"How long have you had arthritis?"

"I don't have arthritis! It says here in the paper that the Pope has it."

Two priests are driving down a road when they are pulled over by the cops.

The cop shines a light in their faces and signals to the driver to roll down his window.

"We're searching for two child molesters," he says.

The driver leans over to the other priest, and they whisper between themselves.

Finally, he turns back to the policeman. "Ok. We'll do it."

I was blessed with a 9 inch penis.

The priest is in jail now.

I love going to church to get closer to God, but my least favorite part of church has to be touching the priest’s penis.

Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"

A young boy is stood on the top of a cliff crying. A priest approaches and says, "Why are you crying my son?" "My parents just crashed the car off the cliff and died." "It's just not your day today is it?" Said the priest, unbuttoning his flies.

"A priest, an imam, and a rabbit walk into a clinic to donate blood. The rabbit turns to the nurse and says, 'I think I'm a Type-O!'"

Why can't you make jokes about catholic priests?

Because they blow up in your face.

A priest asks a nun if she has slept with anyone, and the nun says, "Yes, a fucking hot girl!"

My priest asked if anyone had any questions or anything interesting they wanted to say.

So I raised my hand, he said why don’t you tell everyone what you have to say.

In front of the whole church I said I did not know Jesus Christ was the first scarecrow.

What do you call a priest who became a singer?

Michael Jackson.

What would you throw between a priest and a nun? A bottle of whiskey.

What's the difference between a penis and the bible? Nothing, the priest shoved them both down my throat.

How do you know you've found a priest? When little Timmy is glued to his crotch.

A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.

The rabbit says, "I think I'm a type-O."

I recently learned that churches won’t let trans men become priests because they don’t consider trans men as men, which is rather confusing to me.

As a Jew, I don’t know very much about Christianity, but from what I’ve heard, don’t priests love little boys?

Why was baptism invented?

How else was a priest supposed to clean his sex toys?

Why is the bible like a penis You get it forced down your throat by a priest

What do you call a priest that graduated from law school?

Father-in-law.

Q: What's the difference between LeBron James and a priest?

A: The size of balls they play with.