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Head

GIRL

3 vampires walk into a bar. The first one orders a Bloody Mary. The second orders a Bloody Mary. The bartender turns to the third and asks “a Bloody Mary?”

The vampire shakes his head. “Hot water for me”

“Hot water?”

“I found a tampon out back and want to make tea”

Baby

Dre Cuellar

How many babies does it take to shingle a roof? Depends on how thin you slice them-hope marie lawson

Little Johnny

Anonymous

One day Little Johnny’s class is having an English lesson. The teacher asks them, “Who can use the word intelligent in a sentence?” Little Mary says, “The teacher is very intelligent.” The teacher asks them, “Who can use the word fashionable in a sentence?” Little Suzie says, “They are very fashionable.” The teacher says, “Johnny, why don’t you have a go? Use the word dictate in a sentence.” Johnny thinks for a moment and then says, "Last night I heard Daddy asking Mommy ‘Darling how does my dictate’ "

Sadness

Ray

Look I didn’t hit rock bottom I gracefully floated down there like Mary Poppins with an umbrella.

Anti

Anonymous

Why did Mary fall off the swings? She got hit by a refrigerator

Egg

Anonymous

Mary Poppins went to a restaurant and ordered cheese, eggs and cauliflower. When she left, she had written something in the complaint box: super cauliflower, eggs but cheese was quite atrocious. (Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious)

Rose

Mary Rose

Mary Rose sat on a pin Mary Rose

Die

Anonymous

Mary’s mother was a good person why did she die? -because she got stabbed in the heart 60 times by a switchblade

Puns

my friend

I had a friend named Mari. Sadly she did drugs. So one day I go up to her and say “Mari-juana do this???” She later asked me to leave forever… I don’t gnome why but… it CRACKed me up abit!!!

Sister

Scott

Three nuns are on their way up to heaven after having been involved in a terrible minibus crash on the Italian Alps that killed them and the driver (he went the other direction!) As they’re approaching the Pearly Gates to be interview by St. Peter, they are requested by an attendant to form a single line and wait. Sister Agnes is first, Sister Bernadette behind her and Sister Carmel on the end. Finally, St. Peter approaches the nuns to determine their worthiness for entry to Heaven. He says to the first nun : “Sister Agnes, have you ever seen the penis of a man”? Sister Agnes bursts into tears and says : Yes, St. Peter, I have, but please don’t let this prevent me from entering the Kingdom of Heaven". St. Peter says : “Never fear, my child. Say a thousand Hail Marys and then go over to that font of Holy Water and wash your eyes out, then you shall enter the Kingdom of Heaven”. Sister Carmel sees what’s going on and taps Sister Bernadette on the shoulder, somewhat urgently. “Pssst - hey Bernie”!, she says. Sister Bernadette asks : “What is it?” A little annoyed. Sister Carmel says : “Do you mind if we swap places”? Sister Bernadette replies : “What for”? Sister Carmel says : “Well, I wouldn’t mind gargling before you stick your ass in there”!

Common

Anonymous

What do Marie Antoinette and 2005-2012 Korn have in common?

They’re both Headless.

Tree

Anonymous

Mary has a house near a forrest she lives with her bro and she once said how many trees are there and her bro said: idk. She said: tree

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Beat

Anonymous

What happens when you hear a Mary Brittain beating a Thomas You cook spaghetti with his blood

Mum

Mary Britain

The Britain’s walk in the house of the alcoholic grandad they ask Mary the mum why she had blood all over her and she said someone dropped the butter they walked into the living room and Thomas was dead on the floor

Jesus

Anonymous

Mary is hanging out and the angel Gabriel descends behind her and she looks behind her and says Jesus Christ and the angel Gabriel said so you already know

Movie

Someone

You know how in the movie nightmare before christmas they say making Christmas

I thought mary a josphe did but ok

Hand

Madison R.

Yo Mama So Ugly, Bloody Mary Handed Her An Application Through The Mirror

Night

Anonymous

Mary had a lamb. Her fleece was black as coal. When I tried totouch it that night, next day I went to court.

Vampire

Anonymous

What is the favorite drink of a vampire? bloody mary

Blood

Anonymous

Why do vampires drink blood? because they can’t drink bloodly Marys because they are vampires

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