How many babies does it take to shingle a roof? Depends on how thin you slice them-hope marie lawson
Why did Mary fall off the swings? She got hit by a refrigerator
Mary Poppins went to a restaurant and ordered cheese, eggs and cauliflower. When she left, she had written something in the complaint box: super cauliflower, eggs but cheese was quite atrocious. (Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious)
One day Little Johnny’s class is having an English lesson. The teacher asks them, “Who can use the word intelligent in a sentence?” Little Mary says, “The teacher is very intelligent.” The teacher asks them, “Who can use the word fashionable in a sentence?” Little Suzie says, “They are very fashionable.” The teacher says, “Johnny, why don’t you have a go? Use the word dictate in a sentence.” Johnny thinks for a moment and then says, "Last night I heard Daddy asking Mommy ‘Darling how does my dictate’ "
Three nuns are on their way up to heaven after having been involved in a terrible minibus crash on the Italian Alps that killed them and the driver (he went the other direction!) As they’re approaching the Pearly Gates to be interview by St. Peter, they are requested by an attendant to form a single line and wait. Sister Agnes is first, Sister Bernadette behind her and Sister Carmel on the end. Finally, St. Peter approaches the nuns to determine their worthiness for entry to Heaven. He says to the first nun : “Sister Agnes, have you ever seen the penis of a man”? Sister Agnes bursts into tears and says : Yes, St. Peter, I have, but please don’t let this prevent me from entering the Kingdom of Heaven". St. Peter says : “Never fear, my child. Say a thousand Hail Marys and then go over to that font of Holy Water and wash your eyes out, then you shall enter the Kingdom of Heaven”. Sister Carmel sees what’s going on and taps Sister Bernadette on the shoulder, somewhat urgently. “Pssst - hey Bernie”!, she says. Sister Bernadette asks : “What is it?” A little annoyed. Sister Carmel says : “Do you mind if we swap places”? Sister Bernadette replies : “What for”? Sister Carmel says : “Well, I wouldn’t mind gargling before you stick your ass in there”!
Mary’s mother was a good person why did she die? -because she got stabbed in the heart 60 times by a switchblade
I had a friend named Mari. Sadly she did drugs. So one day I go up to her and say “Mari-juana do this???” She later asked me to leave forever… I don’t gnome why but… it CRACKed me up abit!!!
Mary is hanging out and the angel Gabriel descends behind her and she looks behind her and says Jesus Christ and the angel Gabriel said so you already know
Mary Rose sat on a pin Mary Rose
What do Marie Antoinette and 2005-2012 Korn have in common?
They’re both Headless.
What do you call Mary Berry when she’s on holiday
A Cake By The Ocean
Yo Mama So Ugly, Bloody Mary Handed Her An Application Through The Mirror
The virgin Mary wasn’t a virgin she was a prostitute, God raped her
What did mother mary say when god farted? jesus christ you stink!
What’s heavy, black, and can’t swim?
Ted Kennedy’s Oldsmobile Delmot 88 with Mary Jo Kopechne trapped inside
Mary had a little lamb Key word is had, her dad’s favorite meat is a human