Pregnancy Jokes

What looks like peanut butter and jelly, and makes a woman scream?

Afterbirth.

What happens when an angel and nun "have some fun and forget pills"?

The nun gets pregNUNt.

What's red, six inches long, and made my girlfriend cry when I fed it to her?

Her miscarriage.

What is the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?

You can't unscrew a pregnant woman.

Men play video games to let their inner child out, while women do abortions.

What [is] another name for an abortion?

Canceling your delivery.

If a baby dies in the womb, is it considered suicide?

I don't get why it is called abortion instead of murder.

Q. What's red and crawls up your leg?

A. A homesick abortion.

Every good joke has its delivery, except abortion jokes, because they have none.

What did the doctor say to the mother after delivering the baby? Sorry.

One way to not pick up a girl is to say, “Are you an American school because I wanna shoot kids into you?” I tried it on a girl, and she is now terrified to come near me.

How was I supposed to know she was already pregnant?

What does a pregnant slave and a "pay less" sale have in common?

Buy one, get one free.

Why isn't there a pregnant Barbie doll?

Ken came in another box.

If a pregnant lady murders someone, does the child get an assist?

What’s 9 inches long and makes my girlfriend scream?

One inch and put it in her. Her miscarriage.

A woman having labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”

“Don’t worry,” said Doc to the worried husband.

“Those are just contractions.”

Your hairline is the reason why some women have miscarriages.

A woman in labor suddenly shouted, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Couldn't! Didn't! Can't!"

"Don't worry," said the doc. "Those are just contractions."

Mary had a great big ram, his fleece was white as snow, when on hands and knees our Mary went, his wad was sure to blow.

Month by month her belly grew, increasing in its girth, and when five months had flown by, our Mary did give birth.

And Mary had a little lamb, a little lamb, a little lamb...