Pregnancy jokes

If you wait for a woman to get 9 months pregnant and kill her, you will never be able to stop the loop.

What starts with M and ends with arriage?

Miscarriage. Now we all know that joke never gets old, and you know what?

Neither does the child.

I regret my abortion.

I didn’t know child labor was an option.

In Boston we say,

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, unzipped his fly and said ‘Hey Jill, you wanna?’ Jill said yes, unzipped her dress, and then they had a ‘daughta’" 🤣

Abortion is a really touchy subject for me. On one hand, there's dead babies! But on the other hand, women get a choice.

The popular girl told me, "I bet your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory!"

Two weeks later, she shows up pregnant.

...

I guess her rubber broke too.

When Bubba's condom broke, he spent a lot of sleepless nights wondering if he was going to be an uncle or a dad.

Once Jimmy was minding his own business, then he hears his mom come home. He asked, "Where have you been?" She replied with, "I was at work," yet he knew his mom did not have work. So the next day, while heading to school, he gets a phone call saying his mom is pregnant, and they want to try their device, and they need the baby's dad to say if it's alright.

I was gonna tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.

Your mum is so slow, it took her nine months to make a joke.

The doctor says to the woman, "There was good and bad news." The woman says she wants the bad news first. The doctor says, "The bad news is the baby had red hair." Then he said, "The good news is, it is dead."

A woman just went through labor. She asked the doctor, "Was it a healthy delivery?" The doctor replies, "It wasn't delivery, it's DiGiorno."

Bully: "Shut up and give me your money, otherwise I will tell everyone that you are still a virgin."

Boy: "Haha, I am not a virgin anymore."

Bully: "Haha, nice joke."

Boy: "If you don't believe then ask your sister or brother."

Bully: "Hah, I don't have any sibling."

Boy: "Will just wait for 9 months then u will know."

How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant? He forgot to wrap his Whopper.

How do you get a nun pregnant?

Fuck 'em.

What's red, white, and blue and crawls up your leg?

A homesick abortion.

What is a similarity between a pregnant 14-year-old and the fetus inside of her?

They both are thinking, "Shit! Mom is gonna kill me!"

Wife: "Honey, I'm pregnant."

Husband: "Hi, Pregnant, I'm dad."

Wife: "No, you're not."

What is 6 inches long and makes women scream? Stillbirth...

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marrahwanah.

Jack got high, slapped her thigh, and then they had some fun.

Jill forgot to take her pills, and now they have a son.