Pregnancy

Pregnancy jokes

Woman

    • A woman having labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”

    “Don’t worry,” said Doc to the worried husband.

    “Those are just contractions.”

  • 1

    • Baby

    • My wife is pregnant, but when we get to the doctors, something happened...

    What happened?

    Answer: The husband is pregnant too, with someone else’s baby, not the wife’s baby, but the wife is pregnant with his baby.

    Condom

    • A guy and his girl just finished making love.

    Just as they lay next to each other, the girl asks, "Have you thought about any baby names?"

    The guy then takes his condom off and ties it, and says, "Well, probably David Copperfield, if he gets out of this!"

  • 1
    • Pregnancy memes

    Miscarriage

    • I congratulated my friend on losing all that baby weight. She started crying and told me I should make them for miscarriage like that......

  • 0

    • Friend

    • So, one day I was walking home from school with my best friend, Sally. She was worried to get home because she was going to tell her mom that Bob, the class rep, got her pregnant eight months ago, and now it was obvious she was pregnant. So I said, “Sally, it’ll be okay, I’m sure she’ll be happy to get a grandson.” “Yeah, thanks, Suzy,” she said to me, then went into her house.

    The next few weeks she didn’t show up to school, so I was like, oh, she must be in trouble with her mom. I’ll go check on her.

    So I walk up to her house and her mom answers with a baby boy in her hands. “Oh, hello. Is that Sally’s son?!! Can I see Sally?” Her mom says sure, and I go inside, but she leads me to the backyard and I see a tombstone. “Here lies Sally 2004-2020.” So I ask her mom in tears, “Oh, did she not make it through the birth?” And her mom replied, “You could say that...”

  • 5

    • Guy

    • A guy and a woman are walking into a forest. The woman says she is lonely. The guy then says, "Don't worry, there will be a third person in a little while."

    Woman

    • What is the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?

    You can't unscrew a pregnant woman.

    Abortion

    • Some sperm arrive in the uterus and see that the egg is already fertilized. They complain that they lost the race and have nothing to do but die.

    One speaks up and says he isn't angry, and the others ask why.

    "He thought he was going to be alive," the sperm says. "This chick works at an abortion clinic."

  • 0