Pregnancy jokes
What’s another name for a woman giving birth?
Unloading the dishwasher.
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant? He forgot to wrap his Whopper.
I don't like condoms, but I like gay pregnant X.
Jack and Jill Went up the hill to have some hanky panky.
Silly Jill forgot her pill. And now there's little Franky.
Why would you make jokes about birth control?
It's a great labour-saving invention.
If a pregnant lady murders someone, does the child get an assist?
The doctor says, "Your wife is pregnant." The man says that he used a condom and the doctor says, "Yeah, but I didn't."
Why couldn’t the dwarf husband make his wife pregnant?
Because of his short cummings.
I was tickling my son’s feet yesterday, and my wife said, "Wait until he’s born."
Wife: "Honey, I'm pregnant."
Husband: "Hi, Pregnant, I'm dad."
Wife: "No, you're not."
I was gonna tell a baby joke, but I had to abort.
Miscarriage jokes aren't funny, just cut it out.
I have a better method of abortion than currently used. It's like a regular one, except you can get free food out of it... We're about to give baby-back ribs a whole new meaning.
Do you know why most men are impressive cooks?
Because with two eggs and a sausage, they can keep women full for 9 months.
Pregnant teen: I'm pregnant, my mum's gonna kill me.
Unborn baby: My mum's gonna kill me.
Your mum is so slow, it took her nine months to make a joke.
A 17 year old pregnant Juanita flew all the way to NY from TX to get an abortion. Initially, she was denied the procedure because she wasn't COVID boosted, but after she explained the father was religious and wanted to be involved, they quickly resolved the threat.
What does a burnt pizza, cold beer, and a pregnant woman have in common?
Someone didn’t pull it out in time.
What do you call a pregnant slave? A two for one deal.
I was going to tell a joke about babies, but I decided to abort.