Pregnancy jokes
If a pregnant lady murders someone, does the child get an assist?
What’s 9 inches long and makes my girlfriend scream?
One inch and put it in her. Her miscarriage.
A woman in labor suddenly shouted, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Couldn't! Didn't! Can't!"
"Don't worry," said the doc. "Those are just contractions."
What did the doctor say to the mother after delivering the baby? Sorry.
Your hairline is the reason why some women have miscarriages.
Every good joke has its delivery, except abortion jokes, because they have none.
One way to not pick up a girl is to say, “Are you an American school because I wanna shoot kids into you?” I tried it on a girl, and she is now terrified to come near me.
How was I supposed to know she was already pregnant?
Q. What's the difference between an abortion clinic and a nursery? A. The abortion clinic won't let you take the baby home.
My Son: "Mummy, why is my name Thomas?"
Me: "Because the night you were conceived, I had a train run on me."
Mary had a great big ram, his fleece was white as snow, when on hands and knees our Mary went, his wad was sure to blow.
Month by month her belly grew, increasing in its girth, and when five months had flown by, our Mary did give birth.
And Mary had a little lamb, a little lamb, a little lamb...
Hondo's dad and mum went up the hill to do it in the water.
Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a Hondo.
Jack and Jill went up a hill. His condom ripped, and now they are from Alabama.
I was going to tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.
Last night I was watching a Scotland Christmas movie...
And the part when Mary tells Joseph that she is pregnant, Joseph was surprised, and he exclaimed, "Jesus Christ!!!" I immediately stopped watching and changed the channel.
What is an example of poor management? A prostitute getting pregnant.
What is black and white and red all over?
An interracial abortion.
Did you hear about the unborn fetus? Oh wait, never mind, it must have been aborted from the sight.
So.. err actually, don’t worry. I was gonna make a joke about dead babies, but I had to abort.
I would tell you an abortion joke, but it was only temporary.
Guy: Hi, how was your day today?
Woman: Good!
Guy: *Well I can’t ask her out cause she’s pregnant*
Guy: How many months pregnant are you?
Woman: What to you mean?!?! Also, I’m not pregnant.