Pregnancy jokes
What's a perfect example of poor management? A prostitute getting pregnant.
Wife: "Honey, I'm pregnant."
Husband: "Hi, Pregnant, I'm dad."
Wife: "No, you're not."
I needed a test on if I'm pregnant. Then the doc said, "Take your pants down." Then he put his penis in my vagina and said, "Now you are pregnant."
"Yeetus to the fetus."
What’s something you can say during a pregnancy test and during a sporting event?
"We’ve got a runner!"
Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, pulled down his fly, and said, "Jill do you wanna?" Jill said yes, pulled up her dress, and then they had some fun. But stupid Jill forgot the pill so now they have a son.
My gf told me she was pregnant, so I punched her in the stomach.
She asked me why the hell I did that. I told her I wanted to let her know I’m pro abortion.
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a pregnant emo girl?
The emo girl still bleeds.
Wife: "Hi honey, I'm pregnant."
Husband: "Hi pregnant, I'm dad."
Wife: "No, you're not...."
If a pregnant emo kills herself, is that murder-suicide or just abortion?
My Son: "Mummy, why is my name Thomas?"
Me: "Because the night you were conceived, I had a train run on me."
What does a pregnant teen and an aborted child have in common?
They both say, “My mom's gonna kill me!”
Huh, I’m pregnant again. Must be something in the air.
Yeah, your legs.
The person who made it a law to not hurt girls is stupid because we've all kicked a pregnant woman before we were even born.
Yo mama's so dumb, she waited until the stop sign turned blue.
Yo mama's so fat, when she got pregnant, she fell to the earth's core.
Q. What's the difference between an abortion clinic and a nursery? A. The abortion clinic won't let you take the baby home.
What's 6ft long, red, and my girlfriend cries when I feed it to her?
A miscarriage.
Abortion is wrong because God wanted the baby to be alive.
Miscarriages are okay because God did not want the baby to be alive.
My wife is pregnant, but when we get to the doctors, something happened...
What happened?
Answer: The husband is pregnant too, with someone else’s baby, not the wife’s baby, but the wife is pregnant with his baby.
My pregnant wife said we were gonna name the kid Digiorno. She wouldn't tell me why until she got an abortion and told me, "It's not delivery, it's Digiorno."