Pregnancy jokes
Your mum is so slow, it took her nine months to make a joke.
A husband came back from a business trip and found out that his wife was pregnant. At first, he got a bit suspicious, but then he just ignored it and hugged his wife with happiness. The second when he met his friend and told him the news, the friend just said, "Wait, what? I thought she was on pills!"
Some sperm arrive in the uterus and see that the egg is already fertilized. They complain that they lost the race and have nothing to do but die.
One speaks up and says he isn't angry, and the others ask why.
"He thought he was going to be alive," the sperm says. "This chick works at an abortion clinic."
How did the Mexican girl get pregnant? Her teacher told her to do his essay.
Jokers are all about the delivery.
Except abortion jokes...
I told a joke about miscarriage to a group of women, but none of them laughed.
I guess it was a bad delivery.
Did you know about 9 months after a power outage 50% more babies are born because it is dark?
What is the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman?
You can unscrew a lightbulb.
l li
ll l_
What do an abortion and a baby have in common?
The mom doesn't want either of them.
What word starts with M and ends in RAGE? Miscarriage.
That joke never gets old... but neither does the baby...;)
My gf told me she was pregnant, so I punched her in the stomach.
She asked me why the hell I did that. I told her I wanted to let her know I’m pro abortion.
The mirror says: "If you break me, you will have 3 years of bad luck."
The Magic Jewel says: "If you break me, you will have 10 years of bad luck."
The condom just sitting there laughing.
What's similar between a pregnant 14 y/o girl and the foetus inside of her?
They both are thinking "My mom's gonna kill me!"
Jack and Jill went up the hill so they could fuck in the water. But Jack forgot to use protection and now they have a daughter.
Abortion is wrong because God wanted the baby to be alive.
Miscarriages are okay because God did not want the baby to be alive.
What's more useless than a broken condom? A fetus resulting from a broken condom.
A guy and his girl just finished making love.
Just as they lay next to each other, the girl asks, "Have you thought about any baby names?"
The guy then takes his condom off and ties it, and says, "Well, probably David Copperfield, if he gets out of this!"
My wife is pregnant, but when we get to the doctors, something happened...
What happened?
Answer: The husband is pregnant too, with someone else’s baby, not the wife’s baby, but the wife is pregnant with his baby.
What does a burnt pizza, cold beer, and a pregnant woman have in common?
Someone didn’t pull it out in time.