Pregnancy jokes

What’s something you can say during a pregnancy test and during a sporting event?

"We’ve got a runner!"

A husband came back from a business trip and found out that his wife was pregnant. At first, he got a bit suspicious, but then he just ignored it and hugged his wife with happiness. The second when he met his friend and told him the news, the friend just said, "Wait, what? I thought she was on pills!"

How did the Mexican girl get pregnant? Her teacher told her to do his essay.

Jokers are all about the delivery.

Except abortion jokes...

I told a joke about miscarriage to a group of women, but none of them laughed.

I guess it was a bad delivery.

Abortions = yeetis of the fetus.

Did you know about 9 months after a power outage 50% more babies are born because it is dark?

A woman is in the hospital giving birth. The doctor comes up to her afterwards.

Dr: "I'm sorry, I have good news and bad news."

Woman: "What's the bad news?"

Dr: "Your baby is Ginger!"

Woman: "Ok, so what's the good news?"

Dr: "It's dead!"

What is the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman?

You can unscrew a lightbulb.

l li

ll l_

What do an abortion and a baby have in common?

The mom doesn't want either of them.

What word starts with M and ends in RAGE? Miscarriage.

That joke never gets old... but neither does the baby...;)

My gf told me she was pregnant, so I punched her in the stomach.

She asked me why the hell I did that. I told her I wanted to let her know I’m pro abortion.

What's similar between a pregnant 14 y/o girl and the foetus inside of her?

They both are thinking "My mom's gonna kill me!"

Jack and Jill went up the hill so they could fuck in the water. But Jack forgot to use protection and now they have a daughter.

Abortion is wrong because God wanted the baby to be alive.

Miscarriages are okay because God did not want the baby to be alive.

A guy and his girl just finished making love.

Just as they lay next to each other, the girl asks, "Have you thought about any baby names?"

The guy then takes his condom off and ties it, and says, "Well, probably David Copperfield, if he gets out of this!"

What's more useless than a broken condom? A fetus resulting from a broken condom.

My wife is pregnant, but when we get to the doctors, something happened...

What happened?

Answer: The husband is pregnant too, with someone else’s baby, not the wife’s baby, but the wife is pregnant with his baby.

What does a burnt pizza, cold beer, and a pregnant woman have in common?

Someone didn’t pull it out in time.