Preference jokes
I think about my life, and then I think about death. I prefer death. If you ask me, life is just a time when you die. Basically, death is life, meaningless 0-0.
I like dicks... sporting goods.
I would rather be drugged and robbed by Cardi B than listen to her f***ing music.
Your favorite music artist is Cardi B? I prefer Cardi A+ if I'm being honest.
Why was an orphan loving school?
Because the people actually came back.
Why do orphans love school?
'Cause people actually come back.
Three sons left home, went out into the world, and each of them made a lot of money. During a reunion, they discussed the gifts they'd given to their elderly mum.
"I built a big house for our mum," said the first.
"I sent her a Mercedes, with a chauffeur," said the second.
And the third smiled and said, "I think my gift was the best. You know how much mum enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know that her eyes aren't so good anymore? Well, I sent her a remarkable cockatoo that recites the entire Bible, both old and new testaments. It took a priest twelve years to teach him. That cockatoo is the only one in the world that can do it. All mum has to do is name the chapter and verse, and the cockatoo recites it."
A few days later, mum sent out her thankyou letters. She wrote to the first son,
"The house you built is so enormous that I only live in one room. The trouble is, I have to clean the whole house."
To the second son she said, "I'm far too old to travel anymore. I stay at home most of the time, so I've hardly used the Mercedes. In any case, the driver is so rude."
To the third son she wrote "Dearest Freddie. You have the good sense to know what your mum likes. The chicken was delicious!"
What's the difference between a goat and a sex slave?
I don't have a slave in my sex dungeon.
What did Trump say to Epstein? "I like my tea like I like my teens: warm, sweet, and freshly made."
How do emos like their meat cooked?
Medium rawr.
I was lying on the bed the other night and my missus was playing with my cock, trying to get it to go hard. She asked me what's the matter? I said, "I just don't find women without hair very attractive."
My dad had a very unfortunate accident with his death. I clearly asked for Jammy Dodgers and got Bourbons!
How does a cannibal like his meat?
Human.
I want an almond-flavored biscuit.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts!
On my Tinder profile, I said, "I prefer quality over quantity." I just thought it sounded nicer than saying "no fat birds."
I like my wine how I like my women: 7 years old, and locked up in my basement.
I like my girls like my coffee: Flat and white.
Ashes to ashes, priests prefer boys, 'cause they don't have to shave their asses.
Why does Michael Jackson like to shop at Walmart?
Little boys' pants are half off!