Politics jokes
You know Hitler loves you when he comes up to you on Valentine's Day and he says, "Will you be my Valenein?"
Three friends are in a hotel room in Soviet Russia.
The first two men open a bottle of vodka, while the third is tired and goes straight to bed. He is unable to sleep however, as his increasingly drunk friends tell political jokes loudly.
After a while, the tired man gets frustrated and walks downstairs for a smoke. He stops in the lounge and asks the receptionist to bring tea to their room in five minutes.
The man walks back into the room, joins the table, leans towards a power outlet and speaks into it:
"Comrade major, we want some tea to room 62 please."
His friends laugh at the joke, until there is a knock on the door. The receptionist brings a teapot. His friends fall silent and pale, horrified of what they just witnessed. The party is dead, and the man goes to sleep.
After a good night's rest, the man wakes up, and notices his friends are gone. Surprised, he walks downstairs and asks the receptionist where they went.
The nervous receptionist whispers that KGB came and took them before dawn.
The man is horrified. He wonders why he was spared.
The receptionist responds:
"Well, comrade major did quite like your tea joke."
What did Hitler say to Stan after he died?
I did nazi that coming!
Joe Biden said he was going to a petting zoo.
Trump said schools are not petting zoos.
The people in the Democratic Party are how I like my coffee.
Black and bitter.
I don't even know why to joke about America, it's a joke itself TO THE FUCKING EARTH!
What's the difference between genocide and mass murder?
Genocide is racist.
What do you call the most fucking racist and obnoxious country in the fucking entire fucking omniverse? NORTH AMERICA!
And if you disagree just 'cus you're American, I don't give a fuck, you low life cunts. Plus, if you don't think you're racist, um, hello people? Motherfucking George Floyd!
Obama was America's first black president, and Trump was their first orange one.
Who killed Hitler goes to Heaven.
*looks up*
Oh, never mind.
What do you call a decapitated politician?
A severed head of state.
What's the difference between a government and a pawn shop?
They lower you.
Your mamma is so fat that even a North Korean missile would have competition.
What do you call a Democrat that is a progressive?
A Democrat that lost in a presidential election.
Yo mama is so ugly that even Donald Trump couldn't be inside her dreams.
What do you get when you cross a penis with a potato?
A dictator.
Q: Why didn't the Oak tree win the election?
A: He didn't get the votes he was oaking for, because he was not the popular vote.
Why didn't Trump help someone who can't walk?
He thinks she should stand up for herself.
Q) Why did the uncle sleep with his own nephew?
A) Cuz the boy wouldn't stop talking about Donald Trump every single weekend.
What do the initials ACLU stand for?
🤔
American Communist Lawyers Union.