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Politics jokes

Why doesn't George Washington carry his ID?

Because he knows he can always ask for a quarter.

How are genders and twin towers alike? There used to be 2, but now it's a sensitive topic.

A class is being taught when Bill Clinton walks in. He asks the class, "What is a tragedy?"

One kid, named Jim, raises his hand and says, "If my family and I got ran over by a truck, that would be a tragedy." Bill Clinton replies, "That would be an accident, not a tragedy."

A couple of seconds later, Audrey raises her hand and says, "If a school shooting would happen and 10 kids died, that would be a tragedy." Bill Clinton replies once again with: "That would be a great loss, not a tragedy." All of the kids are confused now when all of a sudden Matthew says, "If you and Hillary Clinton were on an airplane and it got blown up, that would be a tragedy!"

"Yes!" Says Bill Clinton "How do you know?" Matthew says happily, "It is definitely not an accident, and certainly not a great loss!"

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    • Florida: Homemade Taco Stand.

    California: Homemade Lemonade Stand.

    Alabama: Homemade Abortion Stand.

    There is a new kind of jock strap; it only holds one nut. It is called a Trump supporter.

  • 2

    • What is the difference between a Taliban outpost and a Pakistani primary school?

    I don't know... I just fly the drone.

    My cat sleeps about 20 hours a day. She has her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365. Her meals are provided at no cost to her. She visits the doctor once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this she pays nothing, and nothing is required of her.

    She lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than she needs, but she is not required to do any upkeep. If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep. She receives these accommodations absolutely free. She is living like a queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.

    I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head, Holy Sh*t, my cat is a Democrat!

  • 2

    • I was asking people who knew Trump if he would win a second term. Stormy said, "No way, he doesn't have two in him!"

    British MP Sally Ann Hart has filed for divorce citing sexual unfulfillment.

    Her husband couldn't fuck her the way her stupidity could.

    What's the difference between a UKIP voter and a shopping trolley?

    Some shopping trolleys have minds of their own.

    So one day, I took a trip to Russia and saw Vladimir Putin walking in the streets without any bodyguards. Seeing as how I looked just like him, we switched places for a few days.

    After two days, some officer came up to me and asked if we were going to project блять, and I said yes, and the officer said, "God help us."

    So a day later, I heard on the news that every other continent and the moon were destroyed. I then approached the officer and said, "I thought you meant we were having a giant orgy." He said, "We did, and that we were extremely drunk."