Politics jokes
I once had a cat that reminded me of Doug Ford.
Fat, mean, and probably inbred.
Florida: Homemade Taco Stand.
California: Homemade Lemonade Stand.
Alabama: Homemade Abortion Stand.
What did Hitler say when he was blindfolded?
I can Nazi!
There is a new kind of jock strap; it only holds one nut. It is called a Trump supporter.
Iran? More like tin can, cause we’re going to kick their teeth in, am I right?
What is the difference between a Taliban outpost and a Pakistani primary school?
I don't know... I just fly the drone.
My cat sleeps about 20 hours a day. She has her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365. Her meals are provided at no cost to her. She visits the doctor once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this she pays nothing, and nothing is required of her.
She lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than she needs, but she is not required to do any upkeep. If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep. She receives these accommodations absolutely free. She is living like a queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head, Holy Sh*t, my cat is a Democrat!
"When Republicans do politics, it's a crime. But when Democrats commit crimes, it's politics." ---Tyler Nixon
What did the left butt cheek say to the right?
"Trump 2020."
Why are Communists considered the left?
Because they can’t do anything right.
I was asking people who knew Trump if he would win a second term. Stormy said, "No way, he doesn't have two in him!"
Chuck Norris told those three men how to climb Trump's wall.
British MP Sally Ann Hart has filed for divorce citing sexual unfulfillment.
Her husband couldn't fuck her the way her stupidity could.
What's the difference between a UKIP voter and a shopping trolley?
Some shopping trolleys have minds of their own.
So one day, I took a trip to Russia and saw Vladimir Putin walking in the streets without any bodyguards. Seeing as how I looked just like him, we switched places for a few days.
After two days, some officer came up to me and asked if we were going to project блять, and I said yes, and the officer said, "God help us."
So a day later, I heard on the news that every other continent and the moon were destroyed. I then approached the officer and said, "I thought you meant we were having a giant orgy." He said, "We did, and that we were extremely drunk."
If Trump was an orphan, I know he would know not to build a wall because he was in one most of his life.
If Italy attacked France from the rear, would Greece help?
What's so wrong about Trump being in office?
He steals all the cats.
How many communists does it take to change a lightbulb? Never enough.
What did they call Susan B. Anthony when she was sleeping on the job? Snoozin' B. Anthony!