Politics jokes
Trump and two of his friends are stranded on an island with no internet connection and no way of getting home.
As they frantically run around the island trying to get a signal so Trump can call his private helicopter to come and pick them up, Trump's wig falls off and lands on a magical lamp, from which suddenly appears a genie.
As Trump replaces his wig, the genie announces that he will grant each man one wish for freeing him. The men stop to confer. The first one says he will wish for a plane to rescue him, the second wishes for a boat to rescue him, and they tell Trump to wish for a helicopter to rescue him.
Trump, being Trump, nods and says yes, but he wasn't really listening. Then they approach the genie. The first one of Trump's friends wishes for a plane to rescue him, as agreed. The second one of Trump's friends wishes for a boat to rescue him, as agreed. Then Trump is left all alone, but instead of wishing for a helicopter to rescue him, as agreed, he says, "Aww, I'm lonely now. I wish both my friends were here with me!"
Everyone's always saying they're so worried about America's big button, the one that controls all the nuclear power. I'm not worried about that... I'm worried about the idiot on the end of it.
Why did Hitler get hit by a baseball?
Because he did nazi it coming!
What's Trump's favorite instrument?
A TRUMPet!!!
What did the trumpet say to Trump?
"Hi, fellow trumpet!"
Why did Hitler say "nein"? Because he just got raped, bitch!
Why didn't Hitler's girlfriend like giving him a blowjob? It left a Nazi taste in her mouth...
Why did Trump decide to build the wall?
Because China built a wall and they do not have any Mexicans.
Why is it that when Donald Trump and Melania make love, she is always on top?
Donald Trump can only F@#k up.
A pair of souls were floating up to heaven when they passed a pair of eagles.
"Ah, eagles," said the souls. The eagles were too polite to say anything.
Who's Hitler's best friend? Nazis me.
What is white, black, and blue all at the same time?
Barack Obama.
Women's rights.
What do you say when Trump is still president during 2020? Magic!
Donald Trump is making hospitals so poor that they are using kidney beans for their transplants.
Why can North Korea draw a straight line? Because they've got a supreme ruler.
What will Donald Trump build in our devices?
A firewall.
Are you guys alright?
If you answered yes then you are wrong. You are all LEFT. Kill me, hmph.
(This joke was taken from that none funny b*tch on Britain's Got Talent)
Why did Vladimir Putin get bad grades? -- Because he was Russian.
How do you finger a feminist? Shake her hand and call her Theresa.