Here's how to piss off all of North America.
All the United States is, is South Canadia.
If only Caesar hadn’t left home that day...
Imagine the Russians showing up late to the 1917 revolution with a Tsarbucks in hand. They were late, so I guess they weren't Russian. They were probably Stalin.
A thief walks up to a man in a suit and pulls out a gun. The thief says: "Give me your money." The man in the suit turns around surprised. He raises his hands and says: "But, wait! You can't do that, I am a Congressman!" The thief replies: "Oh, sorry. Give me MY money."
Sometimes you just need to take a drive through the city to clear your head.
-JFK
What do Communism, Socialism, Feminism, and Fascism all have in common?
They are all disabilities.
I was in my guitar class and my strings were dead, and then I realized they were more dead than George Bush on November 30, 2018.
Communist jokes aren't funny unless everyone gets them.
Want to hear a racist joke?
Donald Trump.
The last thing that went through Abe Lincoln's head was a bullet.
Are you a nation leader or an email deleter?
If the red house is on the left, and the blue house on the right, where is the white house?
In Washington D.C.
Two men are next to each other. One looks at the other and asks, "Are you a fascist?"
The other man responds, "No, why would I be?"
The first man pulls out a gun and says, "Are you sure?"
The second man says, "Never mind, I am a fascist!"
Communist jokes suck... unless everyone gets them.
In a normal country, you call it Yugoslavia.
In Soviet Russia, it's called aregoslavia.
In a normal country, you call it Yugoslavia.
In Soviet Russia, it's called yugostravia.
Some people think Bin Laden is dead, but some think he's alive.
He is the Al-Qaeda Elvis.
I was talking to a close friend that was Islamic.
He said he was being shipped to an amazing training.
I asked, "Where are you going?"
He said, "Camp Bin Laden."
I asked, "What do they do there?"
He answered, "They got bomb training and hand to hand combat training. Plus they got arts and crafts."
I asked, "What do you mean by arts and crafts?"
He said, "See this towel on my head?" I nodded. "I made it out of boxer jokes."
Bin Laden was the hide and seek champion for 10 years, 2001-2011.
Wanna hear a racist joke?...
Donald Trump.
Hitler was a dic-tator.
