Politics jokes
In a normal country, they have lemonade. In Soviet Russia, they have Leninade: "Refresh yourself with a cold war."
What job lets you kill the most people?
An abortion doctor.
What's the difference between MetaCareForAll and the resurrection of our lord and savior Jesus Christ?
One of them is an unrealistic fantasy that can never come true because it wouldn't work. The other one is the resurrection our lord and savior Jesus Christ.
What's the difference between a five-year-old and a Democrat?
The five-year-old doesn't expect you to do everything for them.
(Vote for Ted Cruz, Ben Shapiro 2020)
What is the difference between a blond and a Nazi?
The blond survived.
"Hippity hoppity, don't abolish my property!"
An assassin is about to shoot his target, "I'm about to give you the JFK experience."
At the back of Abraham Lincoln's mind, next to the bullet hole, he was thinking about how slavery is wrong.
"myname is president trump i am stupid!!! I am SO STUPID!! AJsifdjsaoifjhdsfoijds"
The second twin tower is like Canada. It doesn’t exist.
Why is North Korea so good at Geometry?
Because they have a supreme ruler.
The moment when you tell an illegal immigrant to go home and he walks to the jail cell and closes it.
Francis Pope, Donald Trump, Barack Obama, and a little boy were on a falling airplane. There were 3 parachutes. Donald Trump grabs the first parachute and jumps off the plane saying, “The world needs my leadership!” Barack Obama grabs a parachute and says, “I need to help make choices for our world,” so he jumps off the plane. At this point, the Pope and the little boy are on the plane. The Pope says to the boy, “take the last parachute, I am too old and I’m going to die soon one day.” The little boy says, “actually there are two, you see, Donald Trump took my backpack.”
A guy walks up to me and says, "I wonder if the hookman is real?"
I reply saying, "Yeah, it's Asa Hutchinson, lol."
Healthcare these days is a bit of an Obamanation.
What do you call a country with nukes?
Abomination.
Hitler.
What’s heavy, black, and can’t swim?
Ted Kennedy’s Oldsmobile Delmont 88 with Mary Jo Kopechne trapped inside.
Why is the Nazi Anthem banned in Germany? Because Horst Wessel lied.
Say what you want about Hitler, but in the end, he did kill Hitler.