A guy stole my car last night. Before dialing 911 I thought, "Fuck it. Let him explain the dead bodies in the trunk."
What did the cop say after he shot the ginger? "I guess orange is the new black"
A police man once said I will never forget 9/11 I said I hope not that’s your phone number
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one – and let the other one off
Did you hear about the deaf man who got a ticket?
It's OK he didn't either!
Why can't they blonde call 911
Can she can't find the 11
Today I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. The police thought it was suicide since I have no fingerprints, wow I’m so nice taking care of the disabled
What do you call a kid who's been kidnapped?
Well, her name's Sally, so I guess... Sally. My main concern is getting her out of the freezer.
Cops go to the hood when the shooting range is closed
Why did orphans wanted to commit a crime?
Because they wanted to see what it feels like to be wanted
When the police caught him stealing the batteries he got immediately charged !
I don't understand why when I went to the shooting range today the police came, like bro I always go to elementary schools
I was walking down the streets of Manchester when suddenly I saw Penaldo getting arrested! I heard the officer say “This time I give you warning, there will be no penalty”
That’s when Penaldo asked “No penalty?!” and punched the police officer.
Shame on you Penaldo!
I was walking down the street and I punched a white guy, then I was arrested for assault. The next day after I got out, I punched a black guy and I was arrested for impersonating a police officer.
Last halloween i went dressed as a woman. When i rang the doorbell an elderly woman opened and i made grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands. She immediately called the police and told them excactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First he asked are your parents here and i said nothing. Concerned by my answer he then asked if i was ok so i said nothing. He asked me what my name and i responded, "Hellen Keller.
COP: Are you high?
ME: If I was high, could I do this? *walks in a perfectly straight line*
COP: Wth he just walked off a cliff
I only kidnapped orphans because they have no parents to report them missing.
“Mum I just won this phone in a race!” “Who was in the race?” “The owner of the phone And the police I think they’re at the door to congratulate me!”
What’s the difference between 911 and a abortion?
With 911 there was a victim to tell the tale.
There is one rapist among us
