Woman: "I want coffee, black."
Cop: *takes out gun* "WHERE?!"
Why do orphans wanna be a criminal?
So that they can be wanted.
Why did the police go to a baseball game?
Because a player stole the base.
There's a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run.
Gf: "You are a drug."
Bf: "Why, cause you are addicted to me?"
Gf: "No, because you are number one most wanted in Montana."
4, 6, 8, and 9 have all been killed. 2, 3, 5, 7, and 11 are the prime suspects.
So, a guy is evading the draft. The cops bang on his door, and he runs out the back, through an alleyway onto a road. He finds a nun and asks if he can hide under her blouse. She complies, and the cops walk by and don't see them. The man comes back up from under the nun's blouse and says, "Hey man, you've got a pair of balls!" The nun says, "I didn't wanna be drafted either..."
The woman saw a cute lookin' cop. She had pulled up right next to him and said, "Hey, can I get your number?" He said, "Yeah, it's 911," and drove off.
A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, "Anything you say can and will be held against you." The man replies, "Boobs!"
A guy stole my car last night. Before dialing 911 I thought, "Fuck it. Let him explain the dead bodies in the trunk."
What did the cop say after he shot the ginger?
"I guess orange is the new black."
A policeman once said, "I will never forget 9/11."
I said, "I hope not, that’s your phone number!"
Police arrested two kids yesterday. One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one, and let the other one off.
Did you hear about the deaf man who got a ticket?
It's OK, he didn't either!
Why can't a blonde call 911?
She can't find the 11.
Today, I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. The police thought it was suicide since I have no fingerprints. Wow, I’m so nice taking care of the disabled.
What do you call a kid who's been kidnapped?
Well, her name's Sally, so I guess... Sally. My main concern is getting her out of the freezer.
Cops go to the hood when the shooting range is closed.
I was walking down the streets of Manchester when suddenly I saw Penaldo getting arrested! I heard the officer say, “This time I give you warning, there will be no penalty.”
That’s when Penaldo asked, “No penalty?!” and punched the police officer.
Shame on you Penaldo!
I don't understand why, when I went to the shooting range today, the police came. Like, bro, I always go to elementary schools.
