Police jokes

What's the difference between a pizza delivery guy and a cop?

Pizza guys get punished for not doing their jobs properly.

Why did the police go to a baseball game?

Because a player stole the base.

I got arrested on suspicion of attempted rape all because I was carrying some cable ties, a bit of tape and a piece of cloth. It's such a joke, I hadn't even bought the chloroform yet.

What's the difference between an escaped prisoner and an orphan?

Only one is wanted.

Why do orphans wanna be a criminal?

So that they can be wanted.

So, a guy is evading the draft. The cops bang on his door, and he runs out the back, through an alleyway onto a road. He finds a nun and asks if he can hide under her blouse. She complies, and the cops walk by and don't see them. The man comes back up from under the nun's blouse and says, "Hey man, you've got a pair of balls!" The nun says, "I didn't wanna be drafted either..."

A policeman once said, "I will never forget 9/11."

I said, "I hope not, that’s your phone number!"

Gf: "You are a drug."

Bf: "Why, cause you are addicted to me?"

Gf: "No, because you are number one most wanted in Montana."

4, 6, 8, and 9 have all been killed. 2, 3, 5, 7, and 11 are the prime suspects.

There's a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run.

I don't understand why, when I went to the shooting range today, the police came. Like, bro, I always go to elementary schools.

The woman saw a cute lookin' cop. She had pulled up right next to him and said, "Hey, can I get your number?" He said, "Yeah, it's 911," and drove off.

A police officer pulls over two Catholic priests. He says he's looking for two child molesters.

The Catholic priests look at each other: "We'll do it!"

What’s the difference between white people and Black people?

One runs from the police, one runs for the police.

What is a prostitute's favorite form of traffic control?

Speed humps.

What did the cop say after he shot the ginger?

"I guess orange is the new black."

Why can't a blonde call 911?

She can't find the 11.

Police arrested two kids yesterday. One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one, and let the other one off.

Cops go to the hood when the shooting range is closed.

Did you hear about the deaf man who got a ticket?

It's OK, he didn't either!