Police jokes

Why do orphans wanna be a criminal?

So that they can be wanted.

Why did the police go to a baseball game?

Because a player stole the base.

So, a guy is evading the draft. The cops bang on his door, and he runs out the back, through an alleyway onto a road. He finds a nun and asks if he can hide under her blouse. She complies, and the cops walk by and don't see them. The man comes back up from under the nun's blouse and says, "Hey man, you've got a pair of balls!" The nun says, "I didn't wanna be drafted either..."

I got arrested on suspicion of attempted rape all because I was carrying some cable ties, a bit of tape and a piece of cloth. It's such a joke, I hadn't even bought the chloroform yet.

There's a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run.

A policeman once said, "I will never forget 9/11."

I said, "I hope not, that’s your phone number!"

Gf: "You are a drug."

Bf: "Why, cause you are addicted to me?"

Gf: "No, because you are number one most wanted in Montana."

4, 6, 8, and 9 have all been killed. 2, 3, 5, 7, and 11 are the prime suspects.

The woman saw a cute lookin' cop. She had pulled up right next to him and said, "Hey, can I get your number?" He said, "Yeah, it's 911," and drove off.

What did the cop say after he shot the ginger?

"I guess orange is the new black."

Police arrested two kids yesterday. One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one, and let the other one off.

Did you hear about the deaf man who got a ticket?

It's OK, he didn't either!

Why can't a blonde call 911?

She can't find the 11.

What do you call a kid who's been kidnapped?

Well, her name's Sally, so I guess... Sally. My main concern is getting her out of the freezer.

Cops go to the hood when the shooting range is closed.

Me: Brings in missing child.

Police: OMG this kid has been missing for 3 months. Here is your reward.

Me: Oh, cool.

NEXT DAY

Me: Brings in 8 other kids.

Police :0 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Mum, I just won this phone in a race!"

"Who was in the race?"

"The owner of the phone. And the police. I think they're at the door to congratulate me!"

Why does Batman’s mask only cover half of his face?

So the police can see that he’s white.

What’s the difference between white people and Black people?

One runs from the police, one runs for the police.

A police officer pulls over two Catholic priests. He says he's looking for two child molesters.

The Catholic priests look at each other: "We'll do it!"