Police Jokes

What's the difference between an escaped prisoner and an orphan?

Only one is wanted.

Why do orphans wanna be a criminal?

So that they can be wanted.

Why did the police go to a baseball game?

Because a player stole the base.

So, a guy is evading the draft. The cops bang on his door, and he runs out the back, through an alleyway onto a road. He finds a nun and asks if he can hide under her blouse. She complies, and the cops walk by and don't see them. The man comes back up from under the nun's blouse and says, "Hey man, you've got a pair of balls!" The nun says, "I didn't wanna be drafted either..."

There's a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run.

Family be like:

The image shows three panels. In the first panel, Kristoff from the movie Frozen is standing with his arms outstretched, saying "Meet my family." There are many gray stones around him. In the second panel, Olaf the snowman says "They're...rocks." Anna stands next to him. The third panel shows a group of muscular men, including Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson and a character that resembles Maui from Moana, standing among gray stones.

Gf: "You are a drug."

Bf: "Why, cause you are addicted to me?"

Gf: "No, because you are number one most wanted in Montana."

4, 6, 8, and 9 have all been killed. 2, 3, 5, 7, and 11 are the prime suspects.

A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, "Anything you say can and will be held against you." The man replies, "Boobs!"

The woman saw a cute lookin' cop. She had pulled up right next to him and said, "Hey, can I get your number?" He said, "Yeah, it's 911," and drove off.

A policeman once said, "I will never forget 9/11."

I said, "I hope not, that’s your phone number!"

What did the cop say after he shot the ginger?

"I guess orange is the new black."

Police arrested two kids yesterday. One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one, and let the other one off.

Why can't a blonde call 911?

She can't find the 11.

Did you hear about the deaf man who got a ticket?

It's OK, he didn't either!

Today, I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. The police thought it was suicide since I have no fingerprints. Wow, I’m so nice taking care of the disabled.

What do you call a kid who's been kidnapped?

Well, her name's Sally, so I guess... Sally. My main concern is getting her out of the freezer.

Cops go to the hood when the shooting range is closed.

I don't understand why, when I went to the shooting range today, the police came. Like, bro, I always go to elementary schools.

Why did orphans want to commit a crime?

Because they wanted to see what it feels like to be wanted.

I was walking down the street and I punched a white guy, then I was arrested for assault. The next day after I got out, I punched a black guy and I was arrested for impersonating a police officer.