Police Jokes

One day a snail got robbed by 2 turtles, once the cops arrived and asked what had happened, Snail said "I dont know it all happed to fast"!

me: brings in missing child police: omg this kid has been missing for 3 months. here is your reward me: oh, cool

NEXT DAY

me: brings in 8 other kids

police :0 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A man shoots up a School and then fakes his own death, he then later returns to shoot up the same school, he repeats the prosses a few times untill the police catch him, when they ask why he did it, he replied "I wondered when you would check if i was still breathing"

Friend:How dark is your humor? Me: It gets beat by the cops on a daily basis

I keep looking for my girlfriends killer but no one wants to do it.

A cop pulls a guy over for suspected drunk driving. The cop opens the door and the driver falls out onto the asphalt. The cop says, "Holy shit, you're so drunk, you can't even walk!"

The drunk says, "No shit, that's why I took my car!"

My brother is ugly one time he stuck his head out the window, the police arrested for mooning

What's the difference between a pizza delivery guy and a cop?

Pizza guys get punished for not doing their jobs properly.

I got arrested on suspicion of attempted rape all because I was carrying some cable ties, a bit of tape and a piece of cloth, it's such a joke, I hadn't even bought the chloroform yet

What's the difference between an escaped prisoner and an orphan?

Only one is wanted.

Woman: I want coffee, black Cop: *takes out gun* WHERE?!

Why do orphans wanna be a criminal? So that they can be wanted.

Why did the police 👮 go to a baseball ⚾️ game?

Because a player stole the base.

There's a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run

Gf- You are a drug. Bf- Why cause you are addicted to me? Gf- No, because you are number one most wanted in Montana.

4, 6, 8 and 9 have all been killed. -- 2, 3, 5, 7 and 11 are the prime suspects.

The police department made a new machine that will teleport you back to prison if you commit a crime. The police release 4 criminals. I hacker, a rapist, a serial killer and a drug lord. The hacker tries to hack a bank. The hacker gets teleported back to prison. The drug lord tries to cook meth. The drug lord gets teleported back to prison. Now the serial decides that she want’s to change, but when she see a knife she just can’t help it. He bends down to pick up the knife and the rapist get teleported back to prison

So a guy is evading the draft, the cops bang on his door and he runs out the back and through and alley way onto a road. He finds a nun and asks if he can hide under her blouse, she complies and the cops walk by and dont see them. The man comes back up from under the nuns blouse and says”Hey man, youve got a pair of balls!” The nun says, “I didnt wanna be drafted either....”