Plant jokes
What's worse than ten babies stapled to a tree?
A baby stapled to ten trees.
Mom died, so I planted mums and forget-me-nots all over her grave site.
What is the difference between a hoe's birth Daddy and her pimp Daddy?
The first daddy plants the seed in a cunt, and the second reaps the harvest from the cunt.
What did one nut say to the other nut? "Help!"
There was this emo kid giving a high five to a tree... but the tree left them hanging :)
"Where do young trees go to learn?"
"Elementree school."
What did a tree say to the tomato?
Nothing! Trees don't talk, silly.
A little girl asks her mum, "Mummy how was I born?"
Her mother smiled and replied: "Once upon a time, your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful little seed. Daddy put it in the earth, and I took care of it every single day."
"The seed slowly grew more and more leaves, and in a few months it turned into a beautiful, healthy plant. So me and Daddy took the plant, dried it, smoked it and got so high that we fucked without a condom!"
Yo mama so fat, when she goes to get grapes off a bush, the bush says, "Bitch, I never thought they can grow that big!"
Why did Karen leave me?
Because I was a mushroom.
I hate long plants. They make me Ivysaur. Hahahahahahaha Pokemon!
What is an orphan's favorite flower? Self-raising. 😂
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
A woman was sitting alone at a bar, and a man approached her. He asked her why she looked so sad. She responded that her boyfriend had just broken up with her because she was too kinky.
The man expressed his amazement when he admitted that his girlfriend had dumped him because of his fetishes. After a few drinks, they decided to go back to her place.
When they arrived, she told him to make himself comfortable while she freshened up. The man complied. After a long time, she burst open her bedroom door and said, "I hope you're ready!"
She stood in the doorway wearing a latex body suit and a gas mask. She had a whip in one hand, a flogger in the other hand, and a 12-inch strap-on dangling between her thighs.
The dude looked at her and said, "Thanks, but I'm good for the night!"
She said, "I thought you said that you were kinky."
The dude replied, "While you were in there, I f-cked your cat, pissed in your plants, and came on your curtains. It's been fun!"
Why couldn't the man get out of the maize maze?
He got corn-ered!
What do you call a sad strawberry?
A blueberry.
Grass for lash.
How can you get free butt plants? Just get your man to fill your butt with natural juices.
What did one tree say to another in a crisis? Don't leaf me when things get bad.
Why did the orange fall off the tree? Because he went out on a limb.