One depressed kid goes to high-five a tree, but the tree just left him hanging.
What did the big flower say to the little flower?
Hi, Bud!
What flowers are on your face?
What’s the difference between an orphan and a leaf? Only one falls down the family tree.
The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.
The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:
"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
I talked to a future suicide bomber. I told him, "ISIS ain't got sh** on me because I planted a bomb and lived."
What did one tree say to the tree that was a bully? "LEAF me alone."
What do you call a sad strawberry?
A blueberry.
What is an orphan's favorite flower? Self-raising. 😂
A little girl asks her mum, "Mummy how was I born?"
Her mother smiled and replied: "Once upon a time, your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful little seed. Daddy put it in the earth, and I took care of it every single day."
"The seed slowly grew more and more leaves, and in a few months it turned into a beautiful, healthy plant. So me and Daddy took the plant, dried it, smoked it and got so high that we fucked without a condom!"
What happened to the depressed kid who tried to high five a tree?
Answer: He was left there hanging.
Why do dwarfs do drugs?
To get high.
What's an orphan's favorite flower?
Self-raising flour.
What's Jack's favorite flower? A rose.
How did the security guard at the orchid get better at his job? He got an Apple Watch.
Why did the boy put a chicken 🐔 in his garden?
He wanted to grow an eggplant. 😂
A suicidal boy went up to a tree and said "hi".
The tree never responded; it left him hanging.
Why couldn't the man get out of the maize maze?
He got corn-ered!
How do fish get high?
Because they eat seaweed.
The depressed kid tried to high five the tree.
But the tree left him hanging!
