My girlfriend said onions were the only foods that make you cry.
Until I threw a watermelon in her face.
What's Jack's favorite flower? A rose.
What do you call grass that grows in space?
Astro-turf.
A woman went into her garden and danced in front of her vegetables.
The next morning, her corn didn’t grow, and the tomatoes didn’t blush or turn red, but the cucumbers grew four inches.
Why do trees always gotta leave me hanging?
In a thick Russian accent:
"Let's buy some vodka, pollute the earth with oil, and make insecure nuclear power plants that break all the time! Ah, yes. The mother land. A great place to be. Not like those stupid Ukrainian people who are living happy lives, they are crazy and need to die."
Spring is here, I got so excited, I wet my plants!
Why is the Azovstal Steel Plant important to the Russian?
Because it stores Zelensky's balls of steel!
What if plants are farming us, giving us oxygen until we die, and turn into natural fertilizer which helps them?
Why did the panda cross the road to get to the bamboo house?
What do you call a flat cabbage?
A leaf pile.
Why aren't emos and trees friends? Because the tree leaves them hanging.
How can you get free butt plants? Just get your man to fill your butt with natural juices.
What kind of tree can you High-Five?
A palm tree.
Why can’t a tree have sex? They are always tied up.
You pecan do it!
A friend asked what an acorn is.
I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
What happened when the depressed person waved at a tree?
It left him hanging.
