Plant jokes
I talked to a future suicide bomber. I told him, "ISIS ain't got sh** on me because I planted a bomb and lived."
I like plants, but then I decided to turn over a new leaf and branch out.
Here's a good tree joke to spruce up your day!
Why couldn't the man get out of the maize maze?
He got corn-ered!
Trees are so social. They're always branching out.
My family is like a cactus; a bunch of pricks.
What did one tree say to the tree that was a bully? "LEAF me alone."
I guess that corn is a-maize-ing.
Why shouldn't you tell a secret in a corn field?
Because they are full of ears!
Now that was a corny joke.
And yes, it was rather a-maize-ing.
What do you call a gay cactus?
A "prick."
What is a tree's favorite thing to drink?
Root beer.
Bean.
What do you call a dead pine tree? A Nevergreen!
If the broccoli said, "I look like a tree," then what did the mushroom say?
"I look like an umbrella."
What is a room you can not enter? A mushroom.
There's an old lady doing gardening every year. Nothing grows. She goes to the man who lives next door. She says, "How do you get your tomatoes so big and red?" He tells her, "You show them your privates at night time." So she leaves. That night later, she goes outside and shows the garden her privates. The next day she's got zucchinis a meter long!
How do trees calculate square roots? They use log-arithms.
What's a pedophile's favorite type of garden?
A kindergarden.
Question: Why can't you trust a tree?
Answer: 'Cause they are always shady.
What happens when you see corn looking at you in your window?
A corn stalk!