Plant jokes
In a thick Russian accent:
"Let's buy some vodka, pollute the earth with oil, and make insecure nuclear power plants that break all the time! Ah, yes. The mother land. A great place to be. Not like those stupid Ukrainian people who are living happy lives, they are crazy and need to die."
Spring is here, I got so excited, I wet my plants!
Why is the Azovstal Steel Plant important to the Russian?
Because it stores Zelensky's balls of steel!
What if plants are farming us, giving us oxygen until we die, and turn into natural fertilizer which helps them?
Why did the panda cross the road to get to the bamboo house?
What do you call a flat cabbage?
A leaf pile.
What's the difference between an orphan and a flower?
The flowers actually get picked.
Why did the emo kid hate the tree?
It left him hanging.
Why aren't emos and trees friends? Because the tree leaves them hanging.
How can you get free butt plants? Just get your man to fill your butt with natural juices.
What kind of tree can you High-Five?
A palm tree.
What fell out of the tree first, the apple or the emo?
The apple, the emo was caught by the rope.
Why can’t a tree have sex? They are always tied up.
You pecan do it!
A friend asked what an acorn is.
I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
What would a tree do if a depressed kid tried to high five it?
I would leave them hanging.