You pecan do it!
A friend asked what an acorn is.
I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
So my depressed friend wanted to high-five the tree by the cemetery.
The tree left him hanging though.
What happened when the depressed person waved at a tree?
It left him hanging.
How do fish get high?
Because they eat seaweed.
I hate long plants. They make me Ivysaur. Hahahahahahaha Pokemon!
What is it called when corn stalks have a baby?
The cream of the crop.
What is long, hard, and has cum in it?
A cucumber.
What is the difference between a hoe's birth Daddy and her pimp Daddy?
The first daddy plants the seed in a cunt, and the second reaps the harvest from the cunt.
Mom died, so I planted mums and forget-me-nots all over her grave site.
Grass for lash.
Petal
Yo mama so fat, when she goes to get grapes off a bush, the bush says, "Bitch, I never thought they can grow that big!"
One depressed kid goes to high-five a tree, but the tree just left him hanging.
The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.
The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:
"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
Balloon 1: Watch out for cactus!
Balloon 2: Where is cactussssssss?
Why did the koala go to bed?
Because it was leafing.
What's the difference between a school bus and a cactus?
On a school bus, the pricks are on the inside.
