What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza? Pizza won't cut itself.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they donโt live in a swing state.
Youโre not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.
What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza?
Pizza won't cut itself.
A woman just went through labor. She asked the doctor, "Was it a healthy delivery?" The doctor replies, "It wasn't delivery, it's DiGiorno."
A guy was in one of the Twin Towers and he ordered pepperoni pizza, but he didn't get it. He got a plane instead.
Friend 1: What's your favorite drink or food?
Friend 2: Pizza.
Friend 3: Donuts.
Friend 4: I don't eat food but I do drink bleach.
Friend 1: (calling the suicide hotline)
Friend 2: (Calling the parents)
I wanted another piece of pizza... but she said I could only have One Piece.
Your momma's so fat she started "Fat Lives Matter". Meetings are everyday:
11 o'clock McDonald's, 12 o'clock KFC, 1 o'clock Pizza Hut.
I just heard that the inventor of the autocorrect died the other day.
May he rest in pizza.
Pizza Hut.
What is a cannibal's favorite type of pizza?
Domi-nose.
A collection of 911 jokes.
What kinda pizza did they order at 911?
Plane.
What was the color of 911?
Plane.
What is the fastest way to see 911?
Plane.
Wood fired pizza?
How's pizza gonna pay child support now?! :O
Please drop a like.
How come pizza boxes are square when the pizza is a circle cut into triangles?
Americans: I will cook the pizza.
Italians: I cooka de pizza!
Why were the people on the World Trade Center so pissed?
People, they ordered pepperoni pizza, but they got plane.
Why do we put round pizzas in square boxes and eat them as triangles?
Nobody really liked our fireplace.
So I turned it into a brick pizza oven. Idk why, but now everyone likes our fireplace.
Me: Bro, I don't think the Twin Towers will ever order pizza again.
Friend: Why?
Me: Because when they ordered pepperoni, all they got was plane.
Hello, welcome to abortion pizza. Your loss is our sauce.
