What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza? Pizza won't cut itself.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.
What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza?
Pizza won't cut itself.
A guy was in one of the Twin Towers and he ordered pepperoni pizza, but he didn't get it. He got a plane instead.
A woman just went through labor. She asked the doctor, "Was it a healthy delivery?" The doctor replies, "It wasn't delivery, it's DiGiorno."
Friend 1: What's your favorite drink or food?
Friend 2: Pizza.
Friend 3: Donuts.
Friend 4: I don't eat food but I do drink bleach.
Friend 1: (calling the suicide hotline)
Friend 2: (Calling the parents)
Your momma's so fat she started "Fat Lives Matter". Meetings are everyday:
11 o'clock McDonald's, 12 o'clock KFC, 1 o'clock Pizza Hut.
I wanted another piece of pizza... but she said I could only have One Piece.
I just heard that the inventor of the autocorrect died the other day.
May he rest in pizza.
Pizza Hut.
What is a cannibal's favorite type of pizza?
Domi-nose.
A collection of 911 jokes.
What kinda pizza did they order at 911?
Plane.
What was the color of 911?
Plane.
What is the fastest way to see 911?
Plane.
Wood fired pizza?
How's pizza gonna pay child support now?! :O
Please drop a like.
Hello, welcome to abortion pizza. Your loss is our sauce.
Me: Bro, I don't think the Twin Towers will ever order pizza again.
Friend: Why?
Me: Because when they ordered pepperoni, all they got was plane.
Did you hear they made an Emo-Hipster pizza?
It cuts itself, and you're supposed to eat it before it's cool.
Nobody really liked our fireplace.
So I turned it into a brick pizza oven. Idk why, but now everyone likes our fireplace.
Why do we put round pizzas in square boxes and eat them as triangles?
Americans: I will cook the pizza.
Italians: I cooka de pizza!
How come pizza boxes are square when the pizza is a circle cut into triangles?
