Pilot jokes
Helicopter, helicopter, Kobe Bryant in my chopper, Sitting next to burning daughter, Lots of smoke and little laughter.
I met a kid at the park. He was holding a picture of his parents in his hands. They had died on 9/11.
So, I went to comfort him. I said, "Hey, I lost my grandpa on 9/11. He was great. At flying a plane."
A teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type of stuff.
But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share?" "Yes madam... My daddy told me a story about my Mom." "OK, let’s hear,” said the teacher.
“My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn’t break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.” “She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.”
Pin drop silence in the class!
"Good Heavens," said the horrified teacher, "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"
“Stay away from Mummy when she’s drunk...!!!”
What do you call a Muslim flying a plane? A pilot.
You know the song "Getting Drunk on a Plane"? It was written by the pilot of the Lingard Skinner pilot.
My dad died in the attacks. He was the best pilot for Pakistan.
That forehead is so tall it can eat a plane! Open wide!
What do you call a woman in a fighter jet to the right of the president?
An escort.
The Trump family are flying from New York to DC when Donald looks down on the cities below.
Trump: "I think I’ll throw a $1000 bill out the window and make some American happy."
Melania: "Oh honey, why not throw ten $100 bills out the window and make ten Americans happy?"
Ivanka: "Even better daddy, throw 100 ten dollar bills out the window and make 100 people happy."
Pilot: "Why don’t you all jump out the window and make the whole country happy?"
Can we stop talking about 9/11? I lost my dad in it.
He was a great pilot.
Control tower to Boeing 747, you're clear to land on (said person)'s forehead.
When you got on an airplane, the flight attendant asked which hairline you were flying with.
(The plane) we can’t go over it, we can’t go under it. Oh no, we have to go through it.
This joke's about flowers, the blue one's a violet.
Your mom's the Twin Towers and I am the pilot!
Sully: Praised after landing in the Hudson River.
Garuda Indonesia 421:
Sully's co-pilot:
My grandpa killed 100 German soldiers; he was the worst German pilot ever.
Dear Victims... äh Passengers, we are flying now from Ryadh to New York. Amazing Building... äh Amazing City. There's online, but 2000 there were two Towers... äh Restaurants. We hijack the plane... äh Hi Jack. Jack is my co-pilot, and I said hello. Don‘t scream... History Repea... äh... History never comes back, we are now flying back to the Airport. 💀
Q) What did the airplane say to the little boy?
A) Nothing, airplanes don't talk!
My dad died in 9/11... He was the best pilot I know.
Why did the rapper become a pilot?
Because he wanted to take his flow to new heights!