New Pilot Jokes

What do you call a Flying Pilot? Because he can go pee on the plane!

What do you call a Flying Pilot?

He pee on the plane.

My grandpa was a great pilot, but he died on September 11, 2001.

My great grandfather died in 9/11.

He was such a good pilot.

What do you call an LGBTQ+ plane?

A biplane.

This joke's about flowers, the blue one's a violet.

Your mom's the Twin Towers and I am the pilot!

When you got on an airplane, the flight attendant asked which hairline you were flying with.

My Grandpa killed 30 Air Force pilots in WW2. He was a very bad mechanic.

My friend's dad died during 9/11. He was such a good pilot, but my friend kept disturbing him, so when his dad died, he said, "It was you who killed me" (to the child).

So the child said, "Yoo-hoo? What type of name is Yoo-hoo, but Yoo-hoo, Yoo-hoo come here, I need to kill you NOW."

Why did the rapper become a pilot?

Because he wanted to take his flow to NEW HEIGHTS

What do you call a rapper who's also a PILOT?

Fly Guy

Sully: Praised after landing in the Hudson River.

Garuda Indonesia 421:

Sully's co-pilot:

Dear Victims... äh Passengers, we are flying now from Ryadh to New York. Amazing Building... äh Amazing City. There's online, but 2000 there were two Towers... äh Restaurants. We hijack the plane... äh Hi Jack. Jack is my co-pilot, and I said hello. Don‘t scream... History Repea... äh... History never comes back, we are now flying back to the Airport. 💀

A blind pilot walks into a plane waving his walking stick.

The passengers all look at each other in disbelief. The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,

"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the captain is legally blind, but rest assured, he is one of the best pilots in the world with over six thousand successful flights."

Next the co-pilot makes his way to the plane, and he is also blind and uses his walking stick to make it to the cabin.

The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,

"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the co-pilot is also blind, but rest assured, he is the second-best pilot in the world with over five thousand successful flights."

At this point, the plane begins to take off from the runway. As it gains speed, the passengers grow tenser. The plane keeps accelerating more and more, and as it approaches the end of the runway, it still hasn't left the ground. The plane is approaching the end of the runway at high speed, and the passengers scream, "Oh my God, we're all going to die!"

Suddenly, the plane takes off and begins its ascent.

The pilot turns to the co-pilot and says, "The day they stop screaming, we're screwed."

I got kicked out of flight school, so I decided to learn from the experienced pilots (Isis).

Osama bin laden hit the towers because he couldnt fly straight

You are recently injured because of your job as a driving instructor, so you couldn't go on vacation with your friends.

Your friends tell you that they have an Asian pilot.

You realize, "They have a -1% survival rate!"

Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.

Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.