Phone jokes
I asked my new girlfriend how many men she’d had before me.
She said not to worry, she could count them all on one hand.
Unfortunately, this was when I noticed she’s holding her cell phone with a calculator app open. I took note of her wallet inside a picture of what appeared to be 10 guys. I asked and she said that’s my fam as well. I noticed an Alabama driver's license. I asked which one was her dad. She said that she doesn’t talk to him anymore because he had sex with the boss’s daughter. I casually asked what he did for work. Self-employed? She said that’s the last time I use ancestry.com!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Discord.
Discord who?
I need discord to plug in the phone.
I can't believe the suicide hotline put my cousin on hold. They left him hanging.
What did the cell phone say to his wife?
"I will give you a ring."
Stephen Hawking tried to charge his phone and unplugged his life support.
My phone was at 10%, and my friend said it better not shut down like Stephen Hawking.
My phone is just like the Twin Towers; they got put in airplane mode.
Why do trees never call emo kids? Because they always hang up on them.
I knew a girl that died from having phone sex... She died of hearing aids.
I tried my best using phone sex online, but the thing about it is the holes cannot fit through.
Man: Hey Siri!
Siri: Yes?
Man: I'm desperate, will you marry me?
Siri: Uh...
*phone literally explodes*
If you wanna get fat, what's the quickest way to do it?
Eat two jars of mayo each day, and in about a month, your scale will have your phone number!
Why did the orphan get an iPhone X? Because there's no home button.
You are so fat that the last time you stepped on the weighing scale, the doctor said, "I want your weight and not [your] phone number."
Brrr, it's fucking cold outside, aye? What do you guys want for Christmas? A sweet video game? Maybe a cool action figure? Oh, how about the latest phone!
Who me? Oh, I guess... I wish snow could melt as fast as the snowflakes that downvote good jokes! Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals!
Girlfriend: You remind me of a cell phone.
Girlfriend's ex: Why?
Girlfriend: Because you're about to die.
Tell an emo, "Do you get jealous when your phone dies?"
No wonder some of the phones today have no home buttons.
The makers were orphans.
What did the phone receptionist at the suicide hotline tell the callers?
Hang in there!
I never knew what my dad's job was.
One day, at school, I got a scam phone call, later, I got another, and another. I finally had enough and answered the phone, but to make an impact I said "Hello?"
My dad answered...