Phone jokes

Stephen Hawking tried to charge his phone and unplugged his life support.

I can't believe the suicide hotline put my cousin on hold. They left him hanging.

What did the cell phone say to his wife?

"I will give you a ring."

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Discord.

Discord who?

I need discord to plug in the phone.

My phone was at 10%, and my friend said it better not shut down like Stephen Hawking.

My phone is just like the Twin Towers; they got put in airplane mode.

I knew a girl that died from having phone sex... She died of hearing aids.

Man: Hey Siri!

Siri: Yes?

Man: I'm desperate, will you marry me?

Siri: Uh...

*phone literally explodes*

Why do trees never call emo kids? Because they always hang up on them.

You are so fat that the last time you stepped on the weighing scale, the doctor said, "I want your weight and not [your] phone number."

If you wanna get fat, what's the quickest way to do it?

Eat two jars of mayo each day, and in about a month, your scale will have your phone number!

I tried my best using phone sex online, but the thing about it is the holes cannot fit through.

Why did the orphan get an iPhone X? Because there's no home button.

Brrr, it's fucking cold outside, aye? What do you guys want for Christmas? A sweet video game? Maybe a cool action figure? Oh, how about the latest phone!

Who me? Oh, I guess... I wish snow could melt as fast as the snowflakes that downvote good jokes! Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals!

I dropped my phone the other day when a guy picked up my phone and started to put it in his pocket.

I said, "Hey, that's my phone," and he said, "First of all, my name isn't 'Hey', it's Jay. Second of all, it's an iPhone, not a 'myPhone'. Get it right."

Girlfriend: You remind me of a cell phone.

Girlfriend's ex: Why?

Girlfriend: Because you're about to die.

Tell an emo, "Do you get jealous when your phone dies?"

I never knew what my dad's job was.

One day, at school, I got a scam phone call, later, I got another, and another. I finally had enough and answered the phone, but to make an impact I said "Hello?"

My dad answered...

No wonder some of the phones today have no home buttons.

The makers were orphans.

What did the phone receptionist at the suicide hotline tell the callers?

Hang in there!