You mama is so fat, she need 2 phones to take herself
me: hey siri, did you know Candice died?
Siri: yes I was informed she died from sugondese
me: wat is dat?
Siri: sugondese nuts
I keep trying to call my emo friend... They keep hanging up
Me: truth or dare?
Crush: dare
Me: I dare you to give me your phone number
Crush: umm nevermind truth
Me: ok what is your phone number
So, I was on the phone with a scam caller. He said he knew where I lived and would kill my children and wife. Jokes on him, I already did.
When an American goes on a weight the other person will say "I asked for your weight, not your phone number"!
Yo mama so fat, that when she took a selfie, she needed 2 phones
your mum so cute that i asked for her number ans she said yes and now were dating
Your hairline is so long when you finally found the length of your hairline you told it to some one and they said don’t give me your phone number
When you play flappy bird in 9/11 the bird is a blane and the obstical courses are towers
*gets hit by a car*
Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?"
Me: "Please...I need my...phone"
*opens twitter*
Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"
I want your weight not your phone number
why cant orphan use a phone? because they dont have a home screan
You are so fat that the last time you stepped on the weighing scale the doctor said I want your weight and not phone number
As a son I am so worried about the phone call message that my mom got from a member of The CCD. It was on speaker so me and mom hear both hear. The message told my mom that she needs to personally isolate because two of the new symptoms is having big titties and a great personality.
For a present on christmas i gave an orphan a phone, just without a home button
when hotline bling i only need one thing
I said to the emo girl she gets jealous every time her phone dies.
Warning! Cringe Alert! What happens when you leave your phone at jail? It becomes a cell-phone.
Bully: I wouldn't bother wasting my time on a shit person like you Me: At least I have a brain unlike you Bully: Well at least I have a mom unlike you Me: Well your mom is so fat that she got stuck in her car and started bleeding Nutella? Bully: How would you know that? Me: Because she told me herself Bully: How exactly? Me: She's on the phone right now Phone: *High pitched animal noises* Me: Told you so
